In preparation for the Chubb Time Trial, Team Seagal sent 3 representatives to scout out the course. This will be a "rippah" of a course for single-speedsters. We even ran into DaveyB towards the end, on his way for an extremely fast "Chubble." We met him right after encountering a very impatient old man on his stupid, smelly bike. ("C'mon!") Here is some blurry photo documentation for your pleasure.
Nico rounds the bend:
Mason with his new suspension Reba 29, on the lower and upper level:
Casey clears a lift on the new connector and then rolls the stairs:
On a separate issue, we have scouted a fallen tree that we think would be nearly perfect for a sweet log-ride. If you are leaving Lone Elk going towards West Tyson, it crosses a dip just before the rock garden on the flats. It doesn't seem as though it would be terribly difficult to prepare it adequately, although the frequent flooding of the flats (and fun-killing trail-nazis) would probably ensure its temporary status.
Tell your friends about the time trial! We're putting flyers in as many shops as we can! If not, ask us.
Here's a joke: You're in a room with a Sierra Club Member, the president of Huffy, and an equestrian. You have a gun with 2 bullets - whom do you shoot?
A: Yourself twice, if possible. There is no hope for a cyclist in this situation - only the sweet release of death.
Sorry, it is probably funnier to me as I write this than it is to you when you read this.
So there's been a fair amount of buzz regarding the times that people are putting in at Chubb, out-and-back. For example, Dwayne Goscinski riding his DeLorean, I mean mountain, bike for an out-and-back time of less than one fucking hour. A lot of us over here at the Team Seagal compound have thought about how badass it would be to host a time trial over there. Well, to quote Furby, while everyone else is talking about it, we're actually doing it. That's right, prepare your minds for a revisiting of those glorious time trial days. The difference this time is that there won't nice things like "prizes," "schwag," or "production value." This race has to be kept unofficial, unsanctioned, unpaid. That way no one is held "accountable." We may even have beer at the end - if you bring it! The only more mountain biking event more grassroots than this one would have been attended by Charlie Cunningham, Gary Fisher, Tom Ritchey, etc.. was held almost 30 years ago, and took place in California.
Here is the preliminary info, none of which is set in stone yet - keep checking back here every couple of minutes for official updated information on this race (which is not actually official):
Course: Starting at the Lone Elk trailhead, go straight to West Tyson via the main trail, stay on the new connector that GORC recently put in next to the pavilion, then turn and go UP the Flint Quarry Trail. Turn right at the picnic bench, descend to the RR crossing, and head straight back to the Lone Elk trailhead. Do no take the train tracks back, unless you are in the process of dying and time is a factor.
When: Most likely Sunday, Oct. 28, time is TBA. Probably in the morning. This way there is plenty of time to recover from Burnin', and Spanish Lake.
Format: Format? You'll be given a Sharpie, a paper plate, and some twist-ties. Someone will have a clipboard with a pen, and a stopwatch/sundial. They'll say "go." That's it. If you have a better, more accurate way of keeping time, feel free to bring it. Other than that, just show up ahead of time to tell us your name and get a number.
Why: Supreme StLBiking Message Board Bragging Rights, of course. You won't be walking away with money from this race, unless you find a penny in the parking lot; in which case, I probably dropped the penny, and give me back my penny.
Who: Team Seagal's event, but anyone can race. Tell your friends, and tell them to race.
Finally, here's a video that will get you super-pumped! It's an homage to Steven Seagal, and the pain he rains down from the heavens.
I bet your wondering just how we did at the 24 Hours of Landahl race, right? 2nd in class, 16th out of 36 overall with some hella good laps times. We rode many laps, which means that we rode through the "Family Trail" section many times - that thing is a cruel joke on rigid bikes. But then again, as M. Storm pointed out, it actually isn't, because we all know that it is there, and we keep coming back to ride the damn thing. We drank many a Schlitz and/or Pabst, took many a hot and amazing shower, dropped many a chain, lost many a headlamp, and passed many a competitor.
Fastest Lap Time goes to Marshall Lawson with a 1:02:59 lap.
Biggest Sandwich Award goes to Mason Storm with some mustard, two slices of bread, and an ENTIRE PACKAGE OF TURKEY:
Best Looking Decal Set Award goes to Gino Felino:
Worst Haircut Award goes to Casey Ryback:
Marshall has found Eternal Salvation in oversized beef jerky:
Casey Ryback started out the Le Mans style start:
Here we are receiving what is rightfully ours:
Very little photographic evidence of the pain was compiled during the race, but rest assured that it was comprehensive and thorough pain - such that our grandchildren will probably come out of the womb with sore hands, backs, and tired legs.
We now taking aim squarely on the painfest known as Burnin' at the Bluff - this is quickly shaping up to be the one of the biggest, most prestigious events of the year. The winnar will be worshipped as our god, and have golden idols commissioned of him/her; rightfully so. The loser will possibly be taken out back behind the shed and beaten. Keep in mind that there is only one winnar, and anyone who is not that person is the loser. So whomever is administering the beatings will have one sore beatin' arm in the morning. But I digress: the grapevine has led us to believe that it will be a healthily attended event, one that promises a lot of fun to be had by all (even if it is just a paultry 12 hours...) Prepare you mind, body and t'aint.
Greetings, loyal Team Seagal Fan. This weekend marks the 1 Year Aniversary our consistently superior team of badasses. I sure would like to tally up the number of wrists that have been snapped along the way, but that would be an exercise in extreme futility - much like trying to quantify the extremeness in a can of Dew. The 24 Hours of Landahl Race is upon us, and much to our dismay, the competition is fewer and further between that we had hoped. For a race as thoroughly badass as this one, we are concerned that there aren't enough participants to ensure that this event will continue to be around for us to dominate in the future. The only possible explanation for YOU not coming out to the race is that you are probably too busy doing this: We (Mason Storm, Gino Felino, Marshall Lawson, and Casey Ryback) won't be doing that. Instead we'll be drinking heavily, and doing this to the competition:Watch out that you don't get in the way of our tires' trail of tumultuous tenacity. We hope that the only rain that shows up is the pain that will be raining down from our handlebar heavens. It should prove to be a weekend full of brat burgers, beer, bumps, bicycles, badass-ness, ballers, balloon tires, breaking stuff, barfing, bragging rights, being on the brink, bone-snapping, bombing over branches, breaking wind, bearings, bottom brackets, buffoonery, blissful back-and-forth bantor, and, well... TOTAL VICTORY.
Here is an artist's rendering of us winning on Sunday:
To our competition, and to all of those racers NOT racing this weekend (A.K.A. "weaksauce"), we'll leave you with the immortal words of Ivan Drago: "You will lose."
Greetings to you, the loyal Team Seagal Fan. Destiny awaits you on this, the Day of our Lives!
Wait, what? Oh.
Greensfelder Park was the site of a gigantic pile of pain on this past Sunday. Nico Toscani put in one of the most glorious battles of our lives, evidenced by the fact that with 1.5 laps left, his Eggbeater Pedal exploded in a hailstorm of shrapnel, probably killing any spectators regardless of where they were watching on the course. We're still counting bodies, although it is hard to separate Eggbeater-related deaths from Seagal-esque bone-snapping deaths. Despite huge adversity, Nico persevered and finished the race with the same number of pedals as he had gears - ONE. Have you ever ridden Greensfelder? Because if you have, you will understand how ridiculously baller that is. Mason Storm put in a valiant effort, suffering a near-terminal wreck that left a path of destruction, the extent of which will not be known for years to come. Congratulations to Marshall Lawson on serving the entire Sport category!
In other glorious news, as you probably know that the Tour of Missouri has Started in Kansas City today. Representatives from Team Seagal are being dispatched to Branson to watch the Time Trial of our lives. We'll be rooting for the hometown boys, hoping that their wrists are the only ones left intact at the end of the day. The only fluids that we'll be drinking that day will be coffee at first in order to effectively get us down to Branson so early, then at some point that will turn into PBR. Hopefully there will be plenty of restrooms (read: trees) within walking distance.
In all seriousness, if you have any free time this weekend, you NEED to go watch this race when it comes through. The bigger the turnout, the better so that there is a better chance of this race coming back! Check out this site to find out exactly what roads the race will be covering!
A note to all of our competitors (many of whom we are hoping are simply waiting till the last minute to sign up): prepare your wrists, for we plan to snap them quite handily. Ever see a wrist get dominated? You will.
If you want to know how totally sweet (and by totally sweet I mean totally awesome) this event will be, here is what you should do. Picture the scene in Raiders of the Lost of Arc when the Nazis open the Arc of the Covenant, and that nerdy-looking guy with the eye glasses wearing the trench coat started screaming and then his face literally melted off. Now picture each of our faces doing that same thing as we come through the the start-finish line on each lap. We have registered for the race on Granny Gear's website. That's right, Gino Felino, Mason Storm, our newest member Marshall Lawson, and myself - Casey Ryback. With this action-packed line-up, no one's temples will be safe from our broken stem-ware glass of doom.
