Glossary

Air Biscuits - that which is stinky, and gets floated into your nose, and involves poo-particles.

Amaz0rz - decidedly cool. "I just saw the new Kona - it is more amaz0rz than I could have evar imagined." "This new Stag Ice is teh amaz0rz."


Beard Doping - The idea that you will be able to ride faster, farther, and vanquish moar opponents if you are sportin' a beard. The more facial hair, the faster you will go. Does not apply to hipster douches.

Bifecta - a mountain bike ride involving a lap of both Lost Valley and Matson Hill trails.

Blastin' Nips - Taking one's shirt off when changing before or after a ride in cold weather. "Oh man, what a great ride, breh. Now I gotta blast mah nips and get into some dry clothing!"

Bra-quito - chicken sausage or bratwurst wrapped in a tortilla, with pepper cheese and jalapeno bbq sauce. Standard fare at the TC Man Kitchen.

Castlerock - Castlewood

Chinese Herbs – that which must be translated in order to achieve enlightenment.


"Choo-Choo! All Aboard The Man-Train!" - What you say when you see a Man-Train approaching.

Class 9 Hot Mission - A trifecta that also involves Terry - Duke road connection.

Comin' in Hot/Joe-Houston-Style - approaching someone or something while on your bike, while carrying too much speed to stop. (Immortalized by one Joe Houston.)

Crank Brothers – synonym for “garbage.” "Damn brah, this is like the 6th time this year that I've had to warranty and/or re-build these Eggbeaters."

Criss Angel - total shitbag who definitely likes the boys. "Oh man, don't look now, but I think that new janitor mopping up in the boys room is that stupid fuck-wit magician, Criss Angel. I heard he's working on a new trick where he can blow multiple audience members while levitating over the boys choir."

Crowns – tater tots that are wider than they are long, like a tuna can vs. soda can. A Nico Toscani specialty, reserved for successful completion of an epic ride or race, or also for those embarking on such ride or race. "Coooorotch, meet me at Casa Toscani for crowns and expresso topped with the creme before we hit the road."


Crushed - A) The act of performing higher than one's expectations at a given race or ride. B) The act of passing the shit out of someone. C) The act of getting your ass kicked. "Holy crap brah, I totally c-c-c-c-crushed that sprint tri. I think I may have even set a new blazin PR. Now hold my tank top while I blast my nips."

The General – the 7 gallon flusher. 

D9 Bulldozer - A) Single Speed World Championships 2009  B) the bulldozer at the top of Cremin's Green

E-Bike - Better known as a "moped," something that lazy people use to do the same thing that cyclists do, at the speeds of cars, all while enjoying the fairly lax enforcement of traffic laws that we tend to enjoy. A menace on the trails, and an affront to human decency.

Energor – Giver of life. That from which all good and/or gross things come.

the Elevator - the steep, washed out jeep road to the top of Johnston Mountain

Floatin' Air Biscuits - droppin' juicy farts "Damn b-rah, that air biscuit you just floated is going to start peeling the wallpaper!"


Fuji - A) Brand of bicycles headquartered in Japan, with a long, storied history. B) A fat shit.

Gayz0rz - decidedly uncool. "I just saw the new Quintana Roo - it's more gayz0rz than I could have evar imagined."

(Getting) Served - unintentionally seeing someone's wrinkly, fat, hairy nutsack. "Awe Jesus! I just got served by the best!"

GTF -  Get Totally Fucked. Good advice. "GTF, Brah!"

Heinous Epicnicity - A truly epic situation, the level of which being extremely heinous. Immortalized by RP.

Hey! Fuck You! - acceptable greeting to any Team Seagal member. "Hey! Fuck you"

Human-Centipede - a triathlete paceline. Similar to a man-train, but populated with more than one triathlete, and more than one of them have to be in full aero-tuck. When a paceline forms and they are all fully-aero, they resemble the Human Centipede. More than just resembling, it actually is very functionally similar to what was depicted the movie. As the triathlete in front pee's or poo's, his/her detritus will fling directly onto the prone triathlete directly behind him/her, inevitably entering his mouth and therefore his/her gastrointestinal tract. The cycle continues down the line as each successive triathlete lets loose on the poor bastard behind them.


Jam-job - Being forced to slow your roll, or even to stop pedaling and put a foot down due to a severe bottleneck and too many people in the way. Getting hung up due to the lack of abilities of other riders. "Bro-brah, I totally got hung up behind a group of  tool-bags at the rock garden - talk about a jam job!"

Jenkem – the best way to get high. Otherwise known as “the butt-hash.” "After huffing that jenkem balloon, I am really feeling quite euphoric while at the same time reminiscing about times past."


Jerk - Nearly any human. Moar specifically, a member or like-minded friend of Team Seagal. "Dude, fuck those Team Seagal jerks."


Jerk-Off - A group of jerks engaging in a shared activity.

J.O.B.S. - Official Pizza of Team Seagal, the Jalapeno, Onion, Bacon, Sausage. Ideally served on wheat bread, and eaten at the downtown Shakespeare's Pizza in Columbia, MO. And at the official Team Seagal table.

 Kuato - A) The deformed-from-radiation human fetus-man growing out of that guy's stomach in the movie "Total Recall." (Seen, here.)  B) A saddle sore in the t'aint-al region so bad that it can open your mind, lead a rebellion on Mars, and help you to start the reactor.

Larry- left turn. "At this next intersection, we'll be hangin' a Larry."

Leroy - left turn. "Dude-bro, let's hang a Larry up here on Choadburger Lane."

Loogie - left turn, although only acceptable in the "hock-a-loogi" context. "Yo home-boy, which way are we goin'?"  "Let's hock-a-loogie."
 

Man-Train - A) Pace-lining with a purpose. B) 2 or more homosexual men in a line, being extremely homosexual at the same time, without pants.

Maplerock - Maplewood

Mario van Peeble-Style - going solo.

Minivan (the minivan) - 2 in the front, 5 in the back. "Get totally minivanned."

Mt. Fuji - the porcelain throne. "Whilst perched atop Mt. Fuji, I nearly blew out an o-ring birthin' that brown calf."

Mt. Kohler - see Mt. Fuji.

One-Man Man-Train - riding Mario van Peebles style.

PAF – Pro As Fuck

Pain Cave - A deep, dark place in which you eventually find yourself, after you've been putting in a huge effort, leaving you to not care at all about, or notice, anything else around you. "Dude-brah, I totally rode that man-train into the pain cave."

Quantanium - that from which only the strongest legs are made. "Dude-brah, nice work on taking first place in the P/1/2 cross race! You're legs are like pure quantanium!"

Ralphie - right turn. "Those dudes up the road hung a Larry when the were supposed to hang a Ralphie. Fuggin' numbskulls."

Randy - right turn. "Jerkward, where are we goin'?"   "Hang a Randy up here."

 

Reverse Landing Strip - Preferred way of trimming trail - bare/trim in the middle, unkempt bush on either side

Rocks Road - Woods Road

Sandy Vagina – totally wimping out, or otherwise acting in a weak, baby-like, or douchebag-esque manner.

Service - changing you clothing out in the open. "Service is commencing."

the Stairs - the more longer, more gradual ascent up to the top of Johnston Mountain utilizing either Johnston Mountain Road, or this old, overground 2-track starting at the Hwy 32/Enough Rd. intersection.

STLPAF – Davey B

'Stro - The Titty mobile. A bus, of sorts.

'Stro-verload - getting totally overloaded with awesome shit or bullshit, in the context of the 'Stro

The Simpsons - Glorious cartoon that should be viewed repeatedly in order to understand many of the references on this site. (Seasons 1-10 only.)

T'aint - The area in between your nutsack and b-hole. The actual part of you that rests on the saddle. "Oh man, brah, my t'aint is totally shredded after crushing the Creve Coeur Lake Bike Path!"


Tom Albert - Dropping a Fuji in the woods.


Triathlete - one who enthusiastically enjoys urinating and defecating on their bike in order to go faster, regardless of whether or not they are even riding at that moment. "Hey bro, what were you doing to your bike out there on that bike rack?" "Oh, I was totally pissing on it, brah - you go faster if you piss on your bike, and since I'm training for this Sprint Tri, I need all the speed I can get." "Hey, good idea, bro!" *unzips*

Trifecta - A ride combining these three mountain bike trails - Lost Valley, Matson Hill, and Klondike. Usually connected via the Katy Trail.

"Tri-specific" - somewhat urine-resistant "That new saddle from Cobb Cycling is designed to be tri-specific, brah."

Wildrock, City of - Wildwood, City of

Woman-Train - A totally hot, all-woman version of a man-train. Typically only seen on the internet.

(Wo)man-Train - a man-train with a mixture of men and women.

Woodrocks Reservation - Rockwoods Reservation

Yak semen - ingredient employed to prevent rain. (Mrs. Crotch:) "Do people really need to know what yak semen is?" (Crotch:) "Yes, of course they do - in this context."

Yak dingleberries - ingredient employed to conjure rain. The opposite of yak semen.