1. Cock Punchor SS
2. Stephen Chesley SS
3. Dan Miller M
4. Gabrielle Renner F
5. Rob Ballou M
6. Scott Nelson SS
7. Wendy Davis F
8. Jeff Yielding M
9. Roger Mackay M
10. Drew Black M
11. Barry Vollmer SS
12. Christian Stitz M
13. Todd Holtman M
14. Nico Toscani SS
15. Scott Peipert M
16. Karen Holtman F
17. Rock Wamsley M
18. Bob Jerkins M
19. Lukas Lamb M
20. Mitch the Mashor M
21. Taggart SS
22. Karl Kimbell SS
23. John Hatcher SS
24. Brian Busken SS
25. Jason Pryor M
Storm
20100319
Me, Mitch, and Middlefork
Greetings Jorks. Unlike your typical watered-down "Christian Music," teh Middlefork Trail is fucking awesome. And since I wasn't able to make the Team Seagal AZ tryouts with Norc-ward, the next best option on a beautiful thursday off was to be deployed south of Potosi for some Middlefork recon. With Mashor back from "vaca" with the "fam," we joined forces like a couple of modern day Conquistadors and laid down the law all through the OT.
Now I feel as though I've put in a respectable number of miles this year, although most of them have been on the road since I've regretted almost every mountain bike ride that I've been on so far. The only ones that have not been regrettable in fact have been the days with lots of snow. The rest of left me and my bike covered in shit. Regardless, the mileage has started to accumulate and I figured that would help see me through a day chasing down the 2009 Burnin' 12-Hr Solo Champion and fellow belt-buckle-owner. Not so much.
Waking up to the sound of Nickelback on the radio is like the best way to wake up, as the the instant sensation of pure hate is like drinking 3 pots of scalding hot coffee - it wakes you up and get the blood pumping so you're ready to tackle the day. Saddling up my shit, I meet Mashor, where our forces combined into a 2-man-train which choo-choo'd down to 32/DD:
The sun was shining, the hate was spewing forth, and the gravely texture of the first descent from the trailhead let me know that the rest of the day will take work that will pay off in dividends. An excellent pace was established, Mashor never getting out of the big ring on his 2x9 and I trying to not get too far into the red zone up some of the steeper sections. Not having to race against the clock affords a person some time to check out some of the side features off the trail:
The climbs didn't get any flatter from the last assault on this trail, but there were a few more trees down - maybe 6 or 7 that required a dismount. There were also plenty of sections where you can see all the work that had been done removing fallen trees, and it kinda felt like a hallway at times:
We also happened to come across the elusive Iron County Jenkem Farm, which Nico and the Doctor had encountered last year in the form of lots of white buckets throughout the woods. Creepy. No photos were taken for fear that it would make the times past a little too real later on.
As we made progress down the trail, our conversation brought us to the topic of Dwayne, and his nuclear-powered motor. Mashor informed me that in the last two weeks that jerk has done 2 Double-Berrymans, and gone "long" on the road several more times. And when Dwayne sez "long," it usually is the type of ride that starts and ends using a headlight. Thoughts of this swirled through my head as we came to Strother Creek which comes off of the tailings pond, and managed to cross it only to find ourselves on a section of trail that was so horsed-up, we were thinking that we stumbled into the Swamp of Sadness from "The Never Ending Story:"
The last few miles between Strother Creek and Hwy J are in my opinion rather forgettable due do the horse traffic, but still totally worth doing. We checked out the trailhead that enters the Karkagne Section of the OT, and then blazed a path homeward on the gravel roads. Mashor had never been back that way, and so I was somewhat anxious to show him this:
(Those of you that have done it know what that is the beginning of. - over 370 feet in just over a mile!)
We plodded back to the car, settling into a (for me) good pace up the final climb to 32. My t'aint was happy to be back in dry clothing and sitting on a nice set in the Mashor Mobile, as I thought how much more form I need to acquire before I'm read to board the man-train down to Syllamo's. If not 100% ready, then Syllamo's might destroy me like this:
-Casey F. Ryback
Now I feel as though I've put in a respectable number of miles this year, although most of them have been on the road since I've regretted almost every mountain bike ride that I've been on so far. The only ones that have not been regrettable in fact have been the days with lots of snow. The rest of left me and my bike covered in shit. Regardless, the mileage has started to accumulate and I figured that would help see me through a day chasing down the 2009 Burnin' 12-Hr Solo Champion and fellow belt-buckle-owner. Not so much.
Waking up to the sound of Nickelback on the radio is like the best way to wake up, as the the instant sensation of pure hate is like drinking 3 pots of scalding hot coffee - it wakes you up and get the blood pumping so you're ready to tackle the day. Saddling up my shit, I meet Mashor, where our forces combined into a 2-man-train which choo-choo'd down to 32/DD:
The sun was shining, the hate was spewing forth, and the gravely texture of the first descent from the trailhead let me know that the rest of the day will take work that will pay off in dividends. An excellent pace was established, Mashor never getting out of the big ring on his 2x9 and I trying to not get too far into the red zone up some of the steeper sections. Not having to race against the clock affords a person some time to check out some of the side features off the trail:
The climbs didn't get any flatter from the last assault on this trail, but there were a few more trees down - maybe 6 or 7 that required a dismount. There were also plenty of sections where you can see all the work that had been done removing fallen trees, and it kinda felt like a hallway at times:
We also happened to come across the elusive Iron County Jenkem Farm, which Nico and the Doctor had encountered last year in the form of lots of white buckets throughout the woods. Creepy. No photos were taken for fear that it would make the times past a little too real later on.
As we made progress down the trail, our conversation brought us to the topic of Dwayne, and his nuclear-powered motor. Mashor informed me that in the last two weeks that jerk has done 2 Double-Berrymans, and gone "long" on the road several more times. And when Dwayne sez "long," it usually is the type of ride that starts and ends using a headlight. Thoughts of this swirled through my head as we came to Strother Creek which comes off of the tailings pond, and managed to cross it only to find ourselves on a section of trail that was so horsed-up, we were thinking that we stumbled into the Swamp of Sadness from "The Never Ending Story:"
The last few miles between Strother Creek and Hwy J are in my opinion rather forgettable due do the horse traffic, but still totally worth doing. We checked out the trailhead that enters the Karkagne Section of the OT, and then blazed a path homeward on the gravel roads. Mashor had never been back that way, and so I was somewhat anxious to show him this:
(Those of you that have done it know what that is the beginning of. - over 370 feet in just over a mile!)
We plodded back to the car, settling into a (for me) good pace up the final climb to 32. My t'aint was happy to be back in dry clothing and sitting on a nice set in the Mashor Mobile, as I thought how much more form I need to acquire before I'm read to board the man-train down to Syllamo's. If not 100% ready, then Syllamo's might destroy me like this:
-Casey F. Ryback
20100318
Vacation is OVER
Greetings and good day. Nico Toscani here. Over and over, again and again, my brain has replayed to me the events and goings ons of the past week (my minds speaks to me with a Chinese accent, btw). I had the opportunity to play the staring role in a Team Seagal Arizona production, a week-long desert blockbuster conceived by one of our closest and most trusted allies, the crafty Dr. Wesley McLaren:
As you can see, Doc is a huge jerk. So is his dog, Taco. Unfortunately, both dog and man were all types of laid-up when I came knocking at their door. Dr. McLaren's wrists are strong as quantanium and his skills in Stemware Jujitsu are superb. I have been told his mind also speaks with a Chinese accent. Despite possessing these wonderful qualities, Dr's left clavicle really sucks.
When I left for Prescott (pronounced press-kit), AZ the weather in St. Louis, MO was sunny and 70 degrees. When I arrived in Prescott the weather was...
This did not affect us in the least, instead of whining we had a glorious afternoon consuming delicious PBR and then green cans of IPA. Our activities' list included city-touring and private Chinese language lessons. Mrs. Dr. then made us a wonderful dinner and we watched a straight-to-DVD major motion picture staring The Master. Very pleased, we then retreated to our quarters. Sleep came easy as we dreamed of breakfast beers and more Chinese lessons.
The next morning, UPS delivered my bike to Dr's new employer, Ironclad Cycles. The build went very well I set my wheels up tubeless [for the first time] on the first try! During the next few days the weather became warm and sunny and all the snow melted. My bike was working awesome so I went on a little ride around Dr's neighborhood.
I climbed the hill behind his house:
Several hundred vertical feet later I found two things:
1) Excellent view of Prescott and 7,000 ft mountain peak:
2) Monster Truck!
Look at how much bigger this persons monster truck is compared to the other persons mazda sports car. Rediculous, except for the one time during my visit that I wished Doktor did own a monster truck.
Myself, Dr, and Mrs. Dr decided to go and watch the sun set over the Verde Valley from "The Overlook." Up and Up and Up we kept going for like 45 minutes, the three of us traveling in their '95 Jeep Cherokee. The road changed from pavement to dirt and looked like this:
No problemo! The Jeep handled that like a champ. Soon though, the road changed to this:
Ohh man. The Jeep was still scootin' along until we took the wrong line and ate shit in this rutty sonofabitch:
High Mountain Rescue came in the form of another Jeep, a seriously jacked Jeep, equipped with a winch. In like three minutes, we were pulled free from the rut of despair and much cheering ensued.
Let's get on to the race. HOLY SHIT! Sedona is amazing. We arrived around 6:10am, almost an hour early. The sun was beginning to rise and the surreal Mars landscape was lit-up in a crazy purple glow. By 7am, 29 racers (over 10 riding SS) had gathered in the IGA parking lot. We were ready, Scott M. addressed the crowd. He promised that much fun was to be had, and wished everyone a most superior attitude. After a short neutral roll out, we were off! Immediately, two large groups formed. I found myself directly between the two groups, keeping the lead group in sight while distancing myself from the rear group. The trail and slickrock riding was perfectly flowy and spiced frequently with technicality. The soil was red and tacky, my tubeless, high volume tires hooked-up like crazy.
This scenario continued on for a couple of hours as the Sedona landscape unfolded in front of me. After a while though, well, I fuc*ed it up. Oops, I rode th Llama trail three times instead of once. Then I got really lost. I was never scurred about being lost though, I was running a fancy new GPS. Although I was having trouble linking together the race course I knew that I could find my way out so I never got panicky.
A little under six hours had passed when I reached the finish line at the Bike and Bean: (also a Kona dealer and the best bike shop in Sedona.) Unfortunately, I did not finish the race course; FORTUNATELY, I was the first person to show up for the after party! Dave Aholt, PBR rep to the stars, made magic happen and arranged the donation of SIX cases of delicious 16oz PBR cans to be enjoyed by all.
Over 50 people showed up to the party to enjoy the tall cans and cheer on the finishers. Here is the view out the front door of the Bike and Bean:
Dr. had a great time too, Sedona is an alright place to be stranded for 8 hours when the weather is 64 degrees and breezy. He went on a 10 mile hike of the race course and made new friends with a fella named Randy...reports indicate Randy is also very fluent in Chinese so they had much to converse about. In addition, Randy and his crew were definitely finishers of this brutal race. There were six finishers in all, kudos to each of them. Of the six, four were riding SS - the winning time was just over nine hours, the final finisher crossed the line in just under eleven. Holy shit!
The drive back to Prescott totally blew my mind. we descended from Sedona into the Verde Valley and drove 30 miles across the desert floor towards the 7,000ft Granite Mountains in the distance. As we began to negotiate the twisty highway switchbacks scaling Mt. Mingus the sun began to set behind us. Nearing the top of the pass, built right into the hairpin turns is the incredibly impressive town of Jerome, AZ. Jerome is an old copper mining town, once home to over 15,000 people. The entire city is built right into the hillside, hardly clinging to the cliffs. They have one big-ass view of the Verde Valley stretching all the way to the red rocks of Sedona with the snow covered 12,000ft San Francisco peaks (Flagstaff) behind it. That shit will be hard to forget, thanks so much Doc.
The next day me and Doc drove 3 miles from his doorstep to the Granite Dells, for a 2hr hike among the billion year-old rock formations. Taco the dog came with us on the hike and I think we wore her out - when we came home Doc forced her to put on this strange, sand-deterring diaper:
By this point, vacation was almost finished. I was flying out the next day in the late afternoon so I figured I had time to go for one last ride, a mtb ride! I woke up early, suited up in my Team Seagal Kit and donned a Hi-vis yellow vest. I made my way out of town, climbing on the Senator Highway in order to link-up with the 396 Trail, a popular XC orientated trail that bears an uncanny resemblance to both Middlefork and the Lone Wolf Trail. I felt right at home on the flowy trail and my tires were still tubeless so I began to smile. After 20 miles and 3,000 ft of climbing I returned back to Dr's house. He handed me a green can and asked me to take a seat. I did what he said, and with a thick Chinese accent The Dr. began to tell me of his most recent encounter with Energor. The two of them had come to a consensus, Dr. revealed that I made the team, I was now a member of Team Seagal Arizona!
I am home now, the next obstacle to overcome will be the Lost Valley Luau on Sunday March 28. I must encourage your attendance at this most excellent event. I will be racing SS, but there are rumors floating of Seagal soldiers signing up in *different* categories. This means beware and take cover now, no wrist is safe!
Thanks for stopping by,
Nico Toscani
As you can see, Doc is a huge jerk. So is his dog, Taco. Unfortunately, both dog and man were all types of laid-up when I came knocking at their door. Dr. McLaren's wrists are strong as quantanium and his skills in Stemware Jujitsu are superb. I have been told his mind also speaks with a Chinese accent. Despite possessing these wonderful qualities, Dr's left clavicle really sucks.
When I left for Prescott (pronounced press-kit), AZ the weather in St. Louis, MO was sunny and 70 degrees. When I arrived in Prescott the weather was...
This did not affect us in the least, instead of whining we had a glorious afternoon consuming delicious PBR and then green cans of IPA. Our activities' list included city-touring and private Chinese language lessons. Mrs. Dr. then made us a wonderful dinner and we watched a straight-to-DVD major motion picture staring The Master. Very pleased, we then retreated to our quarters. Sleep came easy as we dreamed of breakfast beers and more Chinese lessons.
The next morning, UPS delivered my bike to Dr's new employer, Ironclad Cycles. The build went very well I set my wheels up tubeless [for the first time] on the first try! During the next few days the weather became warm and sunny and all the snow melted. My bike was working awesome so I went on a little ride around Dr's neighborhood.
I climbed the hill behind his house:
Several hundred vertical feet later I found two things:
1) Excellent view of Prescott and 7,000 ft mountain peak:
2) Monster Truck!
Look at how much bigger this persons monster truck is compared to the other persons mazda sports car. Rediculous, except for the one time during my visit that I wished Doktor did own a monster truck.
Myself, Dr, and Mrs. Dr decided to go and watch the sun set over the Verde Valley from "The Overlook." Up and Up and Up we kept going for like 45 minutes, the three of us traveling in their '95 Jeep Cherokee. The road changed from pavement to dirt and looked like this:
No problemo! The Jeep handled that like a champ. Soon though, the road changed to this:
Ohh man. The Jeep was still scootin' along until we took the wrong line and ate shit in this rutty sonofabitch:
High Mountain Rescue came in the form of another Jeep, a seriously jacked Jeep, equipped with a winch. In like three minutes, we were pulled free from the rut of despair and much cheering ensued.
Let's get on to the race. HOLY SHIT! Sedona is amazing. We arrived around 6:10am, almost an hour early. The sun was beginning to rise and the surreal Mars landscape was lit-up in a crazy purple glow. By 7am, 29 racers (over 10 riding SS) had gathered in the IGA parking lot. We were ready, Scott M. addressed the crowd. He promised that much fun was to be had, and wished everyone a most superior attitude. After a short neutral roll out, we were off! Immediately, two large groups formed. I found myself directly between the two groups, keeping the lead group in sight while distancing myself from the rear group. The trail and slickrock riding was perfectly flowy and spiced frequently with technicality. The soil was red and tacky, my tubeless, high volume tires hooked-up like crazy.
This scenario continued on for a couple of hours as the Sedona landscape unfolded in front of me. After a while though, well, I fuc*ed it up. Oops, I rode th Llama trail three times instead of once. Then I got really lost. I was never scurred about being lost though, I was running a fancy new GPS. Although I was having trouble linking together the race course I knew that I could find my way out so I never got panicky.
A little under six hours had passed when I reached the finish line at the Bike and Bean: (also a Kona dealer and the best bike shop in Sedona.) Unfortunately, I did not finish the race course; FORTUNATELY, I was the first person to show up for the after party! Dave Aholt, PBR rep to the stars, made magic happen and arranged the donation of SIX cases of delicious 16oz PBR cans to be enjoyed by all.
Over 50 people showed up to the party to enjoy the tall cans and cheer on the finishers. Here is the view out the front door of the Bike and Bean:
Dr. had a great time too, Sedona is an alright place to be stranded for 8 hours when the weather is 64 degrees and breezy. He went on a 10 mile hike of the race course and made new friends with a fella named Randy...reports indicate Randy is also very fluent in Chinese so they had much to converse about. In addition, Randy and his crew were definitely finishers of this brutal race. There were six finishers in all, kudos to each of them. Of the six, four were riding SS - the winning time was just over nine hours, the final finisher crossed the line in just under eleven. Holy shit!
The drive back to Prescott totally blew my mind. we descended from Sedona into the Verde Valley and drove 30 miles across the desert floor towards the 7,000ft Granite Mountains in the distance. As we began to negotiate the twisty highway switchbacks scaling Mt. Mingus the sun began to set behind us. Nearing the top of the pass, built right into the hairpin turns is the incredibly impressive town of Jerome, AZ. Jerome is an old copper mining town, once home to over 15,000 people. The entire city is built right into the hillside, hardly clinging to the cliffs. They have one big-ass view of the Verde Valley stretching all the way to the red rocks of Sedona with the snow covered 12,000ft San Francisco peaks (Flagstaff) behind it. That shit will be hard to forget, thanks so much Doc.
The next day me and Doc drove 3 miles from his doorstep to the Granite Dells, for a 2hr hike among the billion year-old rock formations. Taco the dog came with us on the hike and I think we wore her out - when we came home Doc forced her to put on this strange, sand-deterring diaper:
By this point, vacation was almost finished. I was flying out the next day in the late afternoon so I figured I had time to go for one last ride, a mtb ride! I woke up early, suited up in my Team Seagal Kit and donned a Hi-vis yellow vest. I made my way out of town, climbing on the Senator Highway in order to link-up with the 396 Trail, a popular XC orientated trail that bears an uncanny resemblance to both Middlefork and the Lone Wolf Trail. I felt right at home on the flowy trail and my tires were still tubeless so I began to smile. After 20 miles and 3,000 ft of climbing I returned back to Dr's house. He handed me a green can and asked me to take a seat. I did what he said, and with a thick Chinese accent The Dr. began to tell me of his most recent encounter with Energor. The two of them had come to a consensus, Dr. revealed that I made the team, I was now a member of Team Seagal Arizona!
I am home now, the next obstacle to overcome will be the Lost Valley Luau on Sunday March 28. I must encourage your attendance at this most excellent event. I will be racing SS, but there are rumors floating of Seagal soldiers signing up in *different* categories. This means beware and take cover now, no wrist is safe!
Thanks for stopping by,
Nico Toscani
20100316
2010 Non-Race #1 Middle Fork XC UPDATE
So far I have recieved 16 entries for the Middle Fork Non Race. I will post the roster when we hit 25, and then the final roster on the last day of registration Monday March 29. I have all the racer/non race info packets ready for the mail, the prizes are being collected, and some very unique trophies are in the process of being made. I have said too much, so quit being a jerk and mail in your postcard. If you have no idea what I am talking about then go here for more info.
That is all.
Storm
Wednesday at Council Bluff Lake
To: Team Seagal Allies in Arms
From: CockPunchor
Re: Assault on Council Bluff Lake
------
* Deployment begins 17Mar2010 at 0900 from Punchor HQ in South City (stop)
* We will begin the assault from the Top Secret, no pay-to-play parking lot of the Enough Boat Launch (stop)
* Wrists will be snapped for a minimum of two laps (stop)
* Dos Primos will be crushed upon completion of wrist snappage (stop)
* Anyone wishing to assist Jack Taggort in his efforts to de-sandify Punchor's vag is strongly encouraged to attend (stop)
This messorge will self destruct in 24 hours (stop)
-------
Don't forget to get your Porstcords in to Tropical Mason Storm for the soon to be most fucking amorzing Non-Race of all: The 2010 Middlefork Non-Race #1. Now, go Middlefork yourselves. Punchor, out.
20100315
The Fuel That You Need the First 2010 Non-Race
Greetings Team Seagal Fans. Certain ads come along from time to time that make you wonder if they were on the Zambian Lung Butter when they made it. Steven Seagal - the gift that keeps on giving:
Speaking of the upcoming non-race, info available here, spots are filling up fast so follow the instructions. A roster will be forthcoming.
Word has it that completing this Non-Race is harder than eating a cookie off of one's shoulder:
-Casey F. Ryback
Speaking of the upcoming non-race, info available here, spots are filling up fast so follow the instructions. A roster will be forthcoming.
Word has it that completing this Non-Race is harder than eating a cookie off of one's shoulder:
-Casey F. Ryback
20100308
2010 Non-Race #1 Middle Fork XC
Greetings Jerks and Jerkets. Mason Storm here to tell you about the first Non Race of 2010. First up on this years Non-Race calendar will be another first ever. The Middlefork XC race will take place sometime in May, and it is only open to the first 50 to register. Register you say, but I thought Non Races are free?! They are, but this one is special so in order to get all the info(The Where, When, Why, and WTF!) You must mail me a postcard containing your info, and if you are one of the lucky 50 you will recieve all the race info in your mail shortly after. Let me just say that the the order I recieve your registration will determine how and where you start this race, so what are you waiting for...send that shit! This race will have 3 cats. Men Open, Women Open, and SS Open. It will be 33mi mix of singletrack and country road. It will be one large loop, and expect finishing times to be roughly in the 3-5hr range. I will send all entrants there race #'s and information on April 1st, so you have to get me your info by Monday, March 29. Send yout postcards to...
Mason Storm
5912 Southwest Ave.
St. Louis MO 63139
Postcards must contain this info.
NAME
AGE
CAT(M,F,or SS)
EMAIL ADDRESS
RETURN ADDRESS(otherwise I can't send you the race info?!you dig?)
Just in case you have never ridden Middlefork here is a video from our friends over at the DRJ camp from yesterdays ride.
MiddleFork from bob arnold on Vimeo.
I will post the other 2010 Non Race dates later this week, but just FYI you will see #1 Middlefork XC, #2 3rd Annual Chubb Challenge, #3 Vampire 100(1st Road Non-Race!), and of course #4 2010 CXmas in the upcoming calendar.
That is all for now, good luck.
Storm
20100305
Team Seagal Arizona Try-outs Next Saturday 3/13!
Holy shit, and good day people. The author today is Nico Toscani and I am a tremendous jerk. Last time I took vacation was in September 2009, the location was Durango, CO. Several soldiers from our battalion participated, we had a friggin' amazorz time. Here are some behind-the-scenes, un-published photos of my last vacation:
Pretty cool trip, right? Since we have now visited times past with great joy, let us please focus forward on the future. Fortunately, for the author, it is vacation time whonce again. I spoke to my Dr. Friend in late January, he relocated to Prescott, AZ last summer. A most excellent town, Prescott is also home to home Whiskey Off-Road and Doc's new TC-MAN. Dr. is a rapscallion, it was very nice to speak with him. We first reminisced about times past and great joy ensued. Next, our good Dr. friend became serious. He spoke of a recent dream. Energor, he said, had appeared to him in a foggy haze of Zambian B.H...
"Doktor," Energor beckoned, "Team Seagal Arizorna is awesorme. You are supreme leador of Team Seagal AZ. You need some forllowers, though, Doktor." Energor paused and then reached out his hand. Doctor passed him a balloon and Energor smiled. Soon after, Energor began to speak again.
"Seek out the event that will flush free the most sand from the under-carriages of your followers." Energor drew deeply from the balloon. "Doktor, never fear. The reading on the Park VGS-12 shall confirm."
Wow. Doctor then revealed to me the chosen event and its location, taking place deep within the Coconino National Forest. I was moved by Dr.'s nice tale of foggy dreams. It was an easy decision to accept his invitation, I arrive in Prescott next Tuesday 3/9/10. Race is Saturday 3/13.
My 2008 Kona Kula Supreme 29 has been retired, what a great frame that was. I have a 2010, poo-brown colored Kona Big Unit 29 on order to replace it but the finished frames have not arrived yet to our country. No big deal though, I just got this:
In review, let me assure you that I am a tremendous jerk. Stay tuned for continuous updates as vacation unfolds, I really hope I make the team. PEACE!
-Nico Toscani
*THIS JUST IN: Doktor has had an unfortunate run-in with a sink-hole! Early reports indicate that Dr. got served while shredding trail in San Jose on a $8,000 Specialized S-Works. He will be Ok but was temporarily KO'ed! Dr. will be playing a support role during his team try-outs next Saturday. Gooooo Dr!
Pretty cool trip, right? Since we have now visited times past with great joy, let us please focus forward on the future. Fortunately, for the author, it is vacation time whonce again. I spoke to my Dr. Friend in late January, he relocated to Prescott, AZ last summer. A most excellent town, Prescott is also home to home Whiskey Off-Road and Doc's new TC-MAN. Dr. is a rapscallion, it was very nice to speak with him. We first reminisced about times past and great joy ensued. Next, our good Dr. friend became serious. He spoke of a recent dream. Energor, he said, had appeared to him in a foggy haze of Zambian B.H...
"Doktor," Energor beckoned, "Team Seagal Arizorna is awesorme. You are supreme leador of Team Seagal AZ. You need some forllowers, though, Doktor." Energor paused and then reached out his hand. Doctor passed him a balloon and Energor smiled. Soon after, Energor began to speak again.
"Seek out the event that will flush free the most sand from the under-carriages of your followers." Energor drew deeply from the balloon. "Doktor, never fear. The reading on the Park VGS-12 shall confirm."
Wow. Doctor then revealed to me the chosen event and its location, taking place deep within the Coconino National Forest. I was moved by Dr.'s nice tale of foggy dreams. It was an easy decision to accept his invitation, I arrive in Prescott next Tuesday 3/9/10. Race is Saturday 3/13.
My 2008 Kona Kula Supreme 29 has been retired, what a great frame that was. I have a 2010, poo-brown colored Kona Big Unit 29 on order to replace it but the finished frames have not arrived yet to our country. No big deal though, I just got this:
In review, let me assure you that I am a tremendous jerk. Stay tuned for continuous updates as vacation unfolds, I really hope I make the team. PEACE!
-Nico Toscani
*THIS JUST IN: Doktor has had an unfortunate run-in with a sink-hole! Early reports indicate that Dr. got served while shredding trail in San Jose on a $8,000 Specialized S-Works. He will be Ok but was temporarily KO'ed! Dr. will be playing a support role during his team try-outs next Saturday. Gooooo Dr!
20100228
2010 Death By Hills, in memoriam
Greetings to you, you sadistic, sadistic people. Today I think we all reached new heights, both in wrist-snappage, cake consumption, and hill gradients. I know that I felt a lot like Billy from "Predator," who delivered one of the most amazing lines: "We gon' die out here, Major." He then proceeded to cut the shit out of his chest and face like a true badass:
The perfect weather we had today seemed to have a positive effect on this ride - I didn't even get a headcount, but I'm sure that there were between 50 and 60 people on that ride at some point. I can't fucking believe that many people showed up to a road ride put on by Team Seagal. It's kind of like going to a cow pie flinging contest put on by gold-medal-winning curling squad.
The reaction from everyone to the turn up Bartizan was worth the time spent on this ride alone, and the... "odor" in the Allenton Rd. gas station was enough to have me feeling euphoric while reminiscing about times past. Seeing Sherrid pull a manual like this down Alt road at like 35mph on his bmx bike was pretty sweet ("Who is he, just some local kid?"):
We went up all the same hills as last year (plus or minus a few more), and more people finished! The view from the top of Cremin's Green and the D9 Bulldozer that rusts away up there is in fact quite satisfying. Climbing that hill was enough to make me forget how sad I was after seeing that sappy stray-pet commercial with Sarah Mclaughlin singing that crappy song, and how much of a douche Apolo Ohno looks with that Turbo-Soulpatch.
Also quite satisfying is knowing that Nico completed the entire ride on a fancy hybrid. Not many people have singlespeed hybrids, by the way. Pete, once again, rode to the ride and then rode home, thus showing us up once more. One guy, probably twice my age, did 110 miles the day before. I learned that there is no such place as "Lone Elk Coffee Company." We found out that small pieces of cake are an amazing thing to put down your throat-hole after 43 miles. Also, as it turns out, the sound of weakness leaving the body is eerily similar to the sound of spokes pinging and popping under the stress of being torqued up a 25% grade at 4mph.
Damn, what a good day. Let's do this again soon.
-Casey F. Ryback, Regular Guy.
PS. Good day. Nico here. Attached is the Garmin link as recorded from my hybrid. It is close to the full course except I did not go up Cremin's Green or Babler Forest Dr. because the VGS-12 malfunctioned when I thought about them and almost dropped a Fugi on my Kona. Coach is a effin' ass-hole. PEACE!
The perfect weather we had today seemed to have a positive effect on this ride - I didn't even get a headcount, but I'm sure that there were between 50 and 60 people on that ride at some point. I can't fucking believe that many people showed up to a road ride put on by Team Seagal. It's kind of like going to a cow pie flinging contest put on by gold-medal-winning curling squad.
The reaction from everyone to the turn up Bartizan was worth the time spent on this ride alone, and the... "odor" in the Allenton Rd. gas station was enough to have me feeling euphoric while reminiscing about times past. Seeing Sherrid pull a manual like this down Alt road at like 35mph on his bmx bike was pretty sweet ("Who is he, just some local kid?"):
We went up all the same hills as last year (plus or minus a few more), and more people finished! The view from the top of Cremin's Green and the D9 Bulldozer that rusts away up there is in fact quite satisfying. Climbing that hill was enough to make me forget how sad I was after seeing that sappy stray-pet commercial with Sarah Mclaughlin singing that crappy song, and how much of a douche Apolo Ohno looks with that Turbo-Soulpatch.
Also quite satisfying is knowing that Nico completed the entire ride on a fancy hybrid. Not many people have singlespeed hybrids, by the way. Pete, once again, rode to the ride and then rode home, thus showing us up once more. One guy, probably twice my age, did 110 miles the day before. I learned that there is no such place as "Lone Elk Coffee Company." We found out that small pieces of cake are an amazing thing to put down your throat-hole after 43 miles. Also, as it turns out, the sound of weakness leaving the body is eerily similar to the sound of spokes pinging and popping under the stress of being torqued up a 25% grade at 4mph.
Damn, what a good day. Let's do this again soon.
-Casey F. Ryback, Regular Guy.
PS. Good day. Nico here. Attached is the Garmin link as recorded from my hybrid. It is close to the full course except I did not go up Cremin's Green or Babler Forest Dr. because the VGS-12 malfunctioned when I thought about them and almost dropped a Fugi on my Kona. Coach is a effin' ass-hole. PEACE!
20100225
Something To Remember this Sunday
Greetings Team Seagal Soldiers and Fans! We here at Team Seagal HQ are always thinking about your well-being, both physical and mental. Which is why we'd like to provide you with a "happy place" to where you can go when you are deep down in the Pain Cave, climbing to the top of the steepest, longest hill. Behold! We present to you Dolph Lungren (physically-imposing Star of such classic movies such as Rocky IV, Masters of the Universe, and Universal Soldier) singing Elvis:
Oh man. This is going to awesome, like in the move The Patriot, when Dr. Wesley McLaren broke the top of a wine glass off, then jammed the sharp glass stem into the temple of Floyd Chisolm, leader of the militia.
The ride might end up being more than 6 hours, so yeah. To help plan out water and fuel and what-not, this about what approximate mileage each of the water/food stops are:
-Mile 29 - Gas station at Allenton/44 - food, fluids, bathrooms
-Mile 43 - Thrasher's house - water
-Mile 55 - Drewballs' house - water
-Mile 82.5 - Gas station at Wild Horse Creek/109 - food, fluids, bathrooms
So notice that there is about 50 miles in between food stops.
See you there...
-Casey F. Ryback
Oh man. This is going to awesome, like in the move The Patriot, when Dr. Wesley McLaren broke the top of a wine glass off, then jammed the sharp glass stem into the temple of Floyd Chisolm, leader of the militia.
The ride might end up being more than 6 hours, so yeah. To help plan out water and fuel and what-not, this about what approximate mileage each of the water/food stops are:
-Mile 29 - Gas station at Allenton/44 - food, fluids, bathrooms
-Mile 43 - Thrasher's house - water
-Mile 55 - Drewballs' house - water
-Mile 82.5 - Gas station at Wild Horse Creek/109 - food, fluids, bathrooms
So notice that there is about 50 miles in between food stops.
See you there...
-Casey F. Ryback
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