Ouachita hath been Conquered

Yes, you heard right. We came, we saw, we conquered. Got conquered, that is. An entry into this event is a one-way ticket on the Pain Train to Suffering-ville. Gino Felino finished in just under 7 hours putting him in the upper half of the field of 200. Casey Ryback finished somewhere along the lines of 117th overall, and Mason Storm stormed his way through most of the course, but didn't quite make the time cut-off for the last checkpoint due to the fact that he was too busy affixing an intravenous-drip of Mountain Dew into any and all exposed veins that he could find. He did, however, endure just enough pain to ensure that next year, there will not just be a glorious return to the OC, but a complete and total domination.

Leaving the Oden Schoolhouse at 8AM sharp, the opening fire roads gave us just a little bit of a teaser regarding the hills that were to come. Blowout Mountain is, simply put, miles and miles of uphill pain. The downhills were rather pain-filled as well, due to a team-wide lack of any type of suspension on our ferrous velocipedes. Fear not though, the downhills allowed your heroes to gain some confidence by allowing us to go faster than those who dared stand in our way. Musta been the Chinese herbs. Anyway, The Womble trail definitely treated us better than the Ouachita, despite still having its fair share of hills that required some push-a-bike. Those that were left standing within the last 10 miles were left to contend with one final climb, as marked on the posted elevation profile. As one fellow extreme racer commented, "I don't know how the gravel stays on the hill, it is so steep." How true that was.

Amidst endless hours on the road, waif-like waitresses who liked our non-redneck tendencies and Vans shoes, Hall & Oats, wood-paneled hotel rooms and a veritable sea of energy gels, Team Seagal has definitely marked the shit out of its territory deep within the heart of Arkansas. Due to technical difficulties, we do not have, at this very moment, Official Team Seagal photos ready for viewing, but rest assured that there will be a few coming your way. So stop fucking asking.

Much needs to be said for the town of Oden, the people of which do a lot for this event - everything from manning aid stations, to opening up the school for sleeping, to cooking food for us, to directing us delirious racers as to which way to turn, and let us not forget how they opened the showers at the school for us - nothing could have felt better after crossing the finish line. And let's not forget all the encouragement at different points on the course!

In the end, we know you're jealous.