Greetings. I'll keep this brief. You need to understand and be able to identify certain people in life. This website can help:
www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com
IN OTHER NEWS...
Looks like the weather is actually starting to break this week... This Sunday there are two XC races, a Heartland Race at Landahl, and a NORBA race at St. Joes. Many Seagal Soldiers are attending each. In the event they are cancelled, we will be taking aim squarely on Council Bluff - who's in?
20080226
20080222
Truly, A Managerie of Energy Drinks
Greetings, loyal Team Seagal fans. You are in for a treat today. Almost as much of a treat as my taste buds were just in!
Because on days when the ice/sleet in my parking lot is of the consistency of Cream of Wheat, there are few other things to do since I can't ride my bike to work in a steaming bowl of Cream of Wheat. (That would be amazing to be able to ride in Cream of Wheat though, because that stuff is delicious - I would literally lick my bike clean.) So here are my ramblings about these 3 new challengers.
The packaging made big promises, which inevitably got my hopes way up:
But would I get a "super power," let alone a "new super power?" Would I indeed be "stamin-ized?" Time would surely tell!
Let's look at the challengers:
These two of these cans were identical to a couple of challengers from our last energy drink exhibition.
Asian energy drink manufacturers, in addition to making their cans bite-size, seem to believe that animals give you supreme energy. These are all very powerful, verile animals - the panther, the "super" lion, the prancing horse; and if you remember last time, the bull! They also really rely on this 1980's-luxury-car-interior brown when coloring their cans.
"But Casey Ryback," you may ask, "What about the damn taste?!?!" Hold your prancing horses. I'm getting to that. But first I have to ask you a question - have you ever had canned fruit salad? You know, the rubbery chunks in the heavy syrup? Well, the Panther drink tastes and drinks like heavy fruit salad syrup. That's bad. And Super Lion, despite it's name, is no more "super" than the Carabao and Red Bull from last time. In fact, it tastes EXACTLY the same as those two. These Asian maketing execs better be careful, American consumers are very saavy and may catch onto this ploy to get at our propensity to submit to various types of packaging. Worst case scenario, they may lose valuable market share in this cut-throat energy drink market.
There was a trickle of hope in this trio of tumultuous tastes. The third drink, "Red Ice," was, I have to admit, quite tasty. Tasty enough that I would actually consider purchasing it for purposes other than practical jokes! Sort of a cherry taste, and with carbonation. In case you were wondering, the name "Red Ice" wasn't just a catch, peppy-sounding name. It is coincidentally an acronym!
Most energy drinks try to downplay the role that caffeine plays in their ingredients. (As if any of those Chinese herbs and Kung Pao BS actually will wake you up...)
All I have to say is, "Welcome to Flavor Country."
Moral of the story? Read this blog, and enter in some races this summer so we can snap your wrists shortly after consumer a random no-name energy drink. We have just over a week till the St. Joe NORBA Race AND the Truman's Big Love Heartland Race! What a great way to kick the season off. Be there or be a puh-ssay.
Because on days when the ice/sleet in my parking lot is of the consistency of Cream of Wheat, there are few other things to do since I can't ride my bike to work in a steaming bowl of Cream of Wheat. (That would be amazing to be able to ride in Cream of Wheat though, because that stuff is delicious - I would literally lick my bike clean.) So here are my ramblings about these 3 new challengers.
The packaging made big promises, which inevitably got my hopes way up:
But would I get a "super power," let alone a "new super power?" Would I indeed be "stamin-ized?" Time would surely tell!
Let's look at the challengers:
These two of these cans were identical to a couple of challengers from our last energy drink exhibition.
Asian energy drink manufacturers, in addition to making their cans bite-size, seem to believe that animals give you supreme energy. These are all very powerful, verile animals - the panther, the "super" lion, the prancing horse; and if you remember last time, the bull! They also really rely on this 1980's-luxury-car-interior brown when coloring their cans.
"But Casey Ryback," you may ask, "What about the damn taste?!?!" Hold your prancing horses. I'm getting to that. But first I have to ask you a question - have you ever had canned fruit salad? You know, the rubbery chunks in the heavy syrup? Well, the Panther drink tastes and drinks like heavy fruit salad syrup. That's bad. And Super Lion, despite it's name, is no more "super" than the Carabao and Red Bull from last time. In fact, it tastes EXACTLY the same as those two. These Asian maketing execs better be careful, American consumers are very saavy and may catch onto this ploy to get at our propensity to submit to various types of packaging. Worst case scenario, they may lose valuable market share in this cut-throat energy drink market.
There was a trickle of hope in this trio of tumultuous tastes. The third drink, "Red Ice," was, I have to admit, quite tasty. Tasty enough that I would actually consider purchasing it for purposes other than practical jokes! Sort of a cherry taste, and with carbonation. In case you were wondering, the name "Red Ice" wasn't just a catch, peppy-sounding name. It is coincidentally an acronym!
Most energy drinks try to downplay the role that caffeine plays in their ingredients. (As if any of those Chinese herbs and Kung Pao BS actually will wake you up...)
All I have to say is, "Welcome to Flavor Country."
Moral of the story? Read this blog, and enter in some races this summer so we can snap your wrists shortly after consumer a random no-name energy drink. We have just over a week till the St. Joe NORBA Race AND the Truman's Big Love Heartland Race! What a great way to kick the season off. Be there or be a puh-ssay.
20080220
Planning a mid-week vacation? Why not beautiful Lake Chubb!
Greetings and a pleasant good day to fellow Team Seagalers and non-Seagalers alike. Look at the current state of the magnificent stretch of dirt designated to memorialize the great, late Robert Walston Chubb. The normally placid Meremac River has become rather angered by the recent snow and rain - it has been shown that when swelled the Meremac will go wherever the hell it wants. Lt. Col Austin Travis and I discovered these sights yesterday afternoon at the end of the first big rock garden parallel to the now mighty river.
Trail conditions encountered until this point were generally very good, only slightly sloppy and moderately manure-ly when descending from the Lone Elk trailhead. Although we were unable to continue on towards the rocky ascents of West Tyson Park via the normal channels, we did find our way around the newly formed Lake Chubb to complete our lap (we tried to hire the Destroyer's boat, but instead decided to think "tracks"). The Lt. and I are happy to report that the West Tyson portion is currently completely rideable, and as always very highly recommended.
The River bottoms portion of Chubb as Lone Elk park segues into West Tyson is under 5 feet of water, look at the sign pointing adventurers’ on towards West Tyson, it is almost completely submerged!
Let us all pray to the Lord of Chubb that the flood waters will soon recede, and that the trail is soon restored to its former glory. Until then, who's down to ride The Berryman? I haven’t been yet.
Thanks for stopping by,
-Nico Toscani
20080212
I wish I could build frames like this brutha here in St. Louis...
Bet you didn't think anyone in this town could make a respectable frame. If so, you were quite wrong. Check it, SUCKA!
http://www.felletbrazing.blogspot.com
Talk about snapped wrists! In fact, that should be the slogan - "Snapped wrists, not snapped frames!"
Not available for purchase.
Yet.
http://www.felletbrazing.blogspot.com
Talk about snapped wrists! In fact, that should be the slogan - "Snapped wrists, not snapped frames!"
Not available for purchase.
Yet.
20080206
Its 70 degrees out - ride to Hog Hollow Rd or to the Chain of Rocks Bridge?
If you have a superior attitude you can do both. Monday the fourth of February started off very soggy and kind of chilly. Somehow the temperature began to rise and the promised overcastness pushed off to the northwest leaving sunny skies and relatively dry roadways. Lt. Col Austin Travis stopped by my apartment atop his Schwinn World Sport, sporting 27" wheels and a top tube that is not quite long enough to be comfortable. Lt. Col ordered me to throw on the chamois, we were going for a ride.
The night before was the Super Bowl - the game was OK, but nothing compared to the food consumed during it. Mason Storm and his captivating fiancée, Ms. Katemeyer, hosted an organized culinary competition at their home in South City. The guests of honor for this cook-off were 4 fantastically diverse pots of chili, and 1 pot of seafood gumbo. Diagnosis, delicious. The Shop Minister offered up some quick directions on how to do the Hog's Hollow Rd ride which I wrote down on post-it notes and stuck into my wallet.
Lt. Col and I left Dogtown around 12 noon under the direction of the post-it notes. Heading westward, we took Clayton Rd to Conway Rd to White Rd to Fairtrails Rd, and so on...about 20 miles had past when we stopped at the Phillips 66 station at Olive Blvd and Hog Hollow Rd for Red Bull and to take a leak. Austin almost forgot he was carrying the restroom key when we getting ready to depart, the store clerks should probably find something bulky to attach it to.
Descending Hog Hollow Rd is very fast and quite fun, cross the railroad tracks at the bottom and you've entered the Creve Coeur "flats," approx 6 miles of very smooth, velocious, and wide black top leading you into Creve Coeur Park.
We pressed on from Creve Coeur Park, traveling east towards downtown. Twenty-five or so miles later it was time for lunch, Lt. Col and I really needed to consume some calories. Double Cheeseburgers have just about as many calories as anything does so we ordered up a couple of them from the Hardees at 6th and Chestnut. This is the view east from the patio at the brand new Hardee's.
After lunch we traveled north on The Riverfront Trail in hopes of crossing the Chain of Rocks Bridge before dusk set-in. Unfortunately, we were a little late in the day and the gate to the bridge was locked, Illinois was closed.
We turned around from the bridge and rode back to Forest Park. It was past 6:00pm by now, we were at mile 75 and cycling under the cover of night. On accident Lt. Col and I overshot the only restroom facility open in Forest Park, located adjacent to the ball fields just west of the mounted police stables. We had planned to stop there for more water - after passing it we decided to just make a loop in the park and stop there on the flip-side. The loop was speedy and full of adventure so we stayed in Forest Park and repeated it four more times... finally the odometer read 100. It was almost 8:00pm, Lt. Col and I stopped by Mobil at Hampton and 40 for 24oz Busch cans and Snickers bars, a true reward for true champions equipped only with single speed road bikes, a superior attitude and a superior state of mind.
-Nico Toscani
The night before was the Super Bowl - the game was OK, but nothing compared to the food consumed during it. Mason Storm and his captivating fiancée, Ms. Katemeyer, hosted an organized culinary competition at their home in South City. The guests of honor for this cook-off were 4 fantastically diverse pots of chili, and 1 pot of seafood gumbo. Diagnosis, delicious. The Shop Minister offered up some quick directions on how to do the Hog's Hollow Rd ride which I wrote down on post-it notes and stuck into my wallet.
Lt. Col and I left Dogtown around 12 noon under the direction of the post-it notes. Heading westward, we took Clayton Rd to Conway Rd to White Rd to Fairtrails Rd, and so on...about 20 miles had past when we stopped at the Phillips 66 station at Olive Blvd and Hog Hollow Rd for Red Bull and to take a leak. Austin almost forgot he was carrying the restroom key when we getting ready to depart, the store clerks should probably find something bulky to attach it to.
Descending Hog Hollow Rd is very fast and quite fun, cross the railroad tracks at the bottom and you've entered the Creve Coeur "flats," approx 6 miles of very smooth, velocious, and wide black top leading you into Creve Coeur Park.
We pressed on from Creve Coeur Park, traveling east towards downtown. Twenty-five or so miles later it was time for lunch, Lt. Col and I really needed to consume some calories. Double Cheeseburgers have just about as many calories as anything does so we ordered up a couple of them from the Hardees at 6th and Chestnut. This is the view east from the patio at the brand new Hardee's.
After lunch we traveled north on The Riverfront Trail in hopes of crossing the Chain of Rocks Bridge before dusk set-in. Unfortunately, we were a little late in the day and the gate to the bridge was locked, Illinois was closed.
We turned around from the bridge and rode back to Forest Park. It was past 6:00pm by now, we were at mile 75 and cycling under the cover of night. On accident Lt. Col and I overshot the only restroom facility open in Forest Park, located adjacent to the ball fields just west of the mounted police stables. We had planned to stop there for more water - after passing it we decided to just make a loop in the park and stop there on the flip-side. The loop was speedy and full of adventure so we stayed in Forest Park and repeated it four more times... finally the odometer read 100. It was almost 8:00pm, Lt. Col and I stopped by Mobil at Hampton and 40 for 24oz Busch cans and Snickers bars, a true reward for true champions equipped only with single speed road bikes, a superior attitude and a superior state of mind.
-Nico Toscani
20080201
Morning Wood
So I set the alarm nice an early to wake up today to get out and ride the snow at Castlewood before going into work at 10am. Woke up to the sound of Ice, Ice Baby on the clock radio. Did somebody call that in for me remind me why I was waking up so damn early. The alarm went off right before the beginning of the song. I can honestly say I remember way too many of the lyrics. After some bike technical issues and a slow drive out there I got to the gate right as Rich Love was getting ready to open it after plowing the front of the park. Not another soul there at first. Saw two jeeps drive in and then drive out while I was there. Rode up the Love trail, with some walking when the front end washed, and a nice steady descent down the grotpeter (pedaling) and then on into the river flats. 1 hour. Awesome. 2 snowstorms this winter and two snow rides. Double awesome.
This was probably the final ride for the old ebay find frame for a while. It served its purpose for a week or two. The new Lynskey has arrived.
For your viewing pleasure:
This was probably the final ride for the old ebay find frame for a while. It served its purpose for a week or two. The new Lynskey has arrived.
For your viewing pleasure:
20080127
Movie Review: "Rambo" - by Casey Ryback
BEST PICTURE OF THE... EVER
"When you're pushed, killing's as easy as breathing"
When making the decision to see the newly-released Rambo movie, I was pretty excited, as I am a big fan of action movies. Especially when they are part of a badass series of badass movies. However, nothing could have prepared me for the cinematic epic of glorious death that awaited me at the movie theater that night! From beginning to end, the pain fell like rain. People died in almost every imaginable way. Mushroom cloud explosion? Check. Esophagus ripped from throat by hand? Check. Arrow through the face? Double check. Cut in half by .50 cal? Centuple (100) Check. Flame thrower? Mines? Disembowling? Rock-to-skull? CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK! I mean, how often do you see a person turn into a cloud of tomato soup?
But this isn't just strictly about body counts. This is about vengeance, and giving people what they deserve. In the process of making this movie, Stallone must have spent much time thinking very hard on just how to make the bad guys really, REALLY bad. The thought process must have been something along these lines: "Ok, this guy is already a piece of shit. But how much worse can he look? Can we turn him into such a bad guy that people in real life will actually attemt to kill the actor?" Without giving anything specific away, I will say that you may have the sudden urge to get out of your seat and cheer at the screen as if you were in a high school pep rally.
In addition to the vast amounts of jaw-dropping action scenes, the cinemtography and style in which the movie is portrayed makes everything that happens feel much more real and hard-hitting. Gritty and visceral are two words to describe it. Oh yeah, and graphic. This is NOT some campy 1980's action flick. (And believe me, this team knows their 1980's actions movies.)
Bottom line, this movie raises the bar for ALL movies, and it will give us (well, maybe just me) inspiration on the upcoming 3/6/12/24 hour epics races and rides coming up this season. You need to watch this movie now.
"When you're pushed, killing's as easy as breathing"
But this isn't just strictly about body counts. This is about vengeance, and giving people what they deserve. In the process of making this movie, Stallone must have spent much time thinking very hard on just how to make the bad guys really, REALLY bad. The thought process must have been something along these lines: "Ok, this guy is already a piece of shit. But how much worse can he look? Can we turn him into such a bad guy that people in real life will actually attemt to kill the actor?" Without giving anything specific away, I will say that you may have the sudden urge to get out of your seat and cheer at the screen as if you were in a high school pep rally.
In addition to the vast amounts of jaw-dropping action scenes, the cinemtography and style in which the movie is portrayed makes everything that happens feel much more real and hard-hitting. Gritty and visceral are two words to describe it. Oh yeah, and graphic. This is NOT some campy 1980's action flick. (And believe me, this team knows their 1980's actions movies.)Bottom line, this movie raises the bar for ALL movies, and it will give us (well, maybe just me) inspiration on the upcoming 3/6/12/24 hour epics races and rides coming up this season. You need to watch this movie now.
20080123
2008 Team Seagal Annual Dues
Attn All Team members: Steven would like to remind you all that the yearly dues need to be in by Feb 15, 2008. The amount is $60.00 and can be made out to Team Seagal Racing/or just give me cash! This fee will get you 1 jersey and 1 bibshort....if you want more you will have to pay cost. Please get this $$$$ in on time, so we can have our kits ordered by the following Monday. Don't worry about sizes or anything else just yet, because we will get a sample size kit.Thanks,
Hoffmeyer
PS- RAMBO this friday....stay tuned for show times....be there and don't be GAYZORS!
20080115
100 Miles of Forest Park?!
Good day Team Seagal fans. Thank you for your attention, we must detail an absurd feat as completed by two of your favorite cycling comrades:
AND
This event took place last Friday, the 11th of January 2008. Earlier in the week, Dr. McLaren and I developed a truly super non-race course, tracing some 4.2 miles through the streets of Forest Park. Our route is highlighted on the following grainy map:
Here is a description using words of the 100 Miles of Forest Park Super NON-race Course:
Find the start / finish point at the bottom of Art Hill, go ahead and climb that to begin. Hang a left at the Zoo, pass the Worlds Fair/ Spanish Pavilion, make a right at The Muny roundabout and ascend McKinley Street up past The Jewel Box. Hang a left, pass some ball fields, The Mounted Police Stables and finally The Planetarium. Make another left to cruise past Jefferson Lake, do not disturb the busy fisherman. Follow the road, it curves back to the west passing the MO History Museum, the course regenerates itself as you return to the bottom of Art Hill.
Dr. McLaren and I completed 21+ laps of this Forest Park Super NON-race Course. We had a Garmin GPS unit so our progress was tracked by satellites in space - very fancy. In the middle of lap 12 we decided it was time for some lunch so we left Forest Park and rode to Legrand's Deli in south City. We enjoyed sandwiches and a can each of Steven Seagal's own Cherry Charge flavoured Lightning Bolt energy elixir, a natural energy drink packed with vitamins and exotic botanicals. We then returned to Forest Park and continued riding in circles until the odometer read 100.
Would you like to meet the bikes we were riding that day? Allow me to introduce Dr. McLaren's '88 Schwinn Tempo.
Check out that stylish head tube, this man has some serious team spirit!
Orange bikes are exciting to me, I was riding this Milwaukee Orange One.
Both of our bikes were set-up as single speeds because we like to coast, both bikes shared the same gearing of 42 x 16. In addition, we were both rolling on new wheelsets prescribed and built by the crafty Dr. McLaren himself. In fact, The Dr.'s new wheels are so fancy they deserve a mention. He's got Campy Chorus 9/10 spd hubs laced to 32H Velocity Aerohead rims with Wheelsmith bladed spokes. He had to hand mill cassette spacers to fit the funky Campy spline when fine-tuning the chainline on the Tempo. You can tell in this photo he is very pleased with the outcome:
I, Nico Toscani, am also very pleased with my new wheels. Take a look at my ghost picture:
Thanks for your patience and your thoughtful consideration for our team blog. Come back again soon to learn of the next Team Seagal adventure, possibly in progress right now!
20080111
WTF is with these guys and energy drinks?
Greetings Loyal Team Seagal Fan. Casey here, with another ridiculous energy drink review. This time, we have 3 very strange beverages indeed. Unlike our previous drinks that stand out due to their movie-star endorsement or extremely over-sized can, these 3 actually employ titmouse-sized containers, and if they were to be endorsed by a celebrity, it would probably be this lady:
The three contestants, none of being refreshing or carbonated:
All of which have healthy dose of Asian lettering, which is interesting and makes for plenty of personality, but what if I wanted to know what was actually in the drink?
Ooo, look at that - 50mg of Ching Chong Nip Nong!
The M150 SOUNDS like a firecracker. Sometimes a firecracker-like drink would be good if you want a pick-me-up. This is more like putting your lips onto the spout of a fountain-soda syrup bladder that has yet to be mixed with carbonated water. That's bad. It LOOKS like I found it buried in Old Man McGillicuddy's medicine cabinet. The absolute BEST feature of this drink though is found on the front label:
Apparently this drink has qualities of Heroism and Leadership - it says so on the badge! It's as if M150 is the Sheriff of Energy Drink Town, and it won't allow any drinks that are followers, or are un-heroic to pass through. Classic.
The other two drinks, "Carabao" and what is apparently the original Red Bull.
Turns out, they both taste EXACTLY the same, and that taste is surprisingly similar to Red Bull - from Holland. The mini Red Bull can has a pull-tab, reminiscent of the beer cans that your dad would drink back in the day when he'd come home from work and beat you. ("Dammit Bobby!") The nice thing about Holland Red Bull though? It has CARBONATION! and NOT AS MUCH SUGAR!
Unlike the notorious Fixx drink, I WAS able to finish all three of these... things. (Though they are only like 5 fl. oz., so that isn't saying much.)
One more thing to note about Asian Red Bull - you can win a crazy Asian mountain bike! Do those fenders come standard?
Lesson Learned: When a teammate of yours comes up to you and hands over a "bag 'o energy drinks," do not hesitate by questioning the outcome of this endeavor - simply grab and run! Quickly! The outcome can ONLY lead to a more Superior Attitude, and a Superior State of Mind!
The three contestants, none of being refreshing or carbonated:
All of which have healthy dose of Asian lettering, which is interesting and makes for plenty of personality, but what if I wanted to know what was actually in the drink?
Ooo, look at that - 50mg of Ching Chong Nip Nong!
The M150 SOUNDS like a firecracker. Sometimes a firecracker-like drink would be good if you want a pick-me-up. This is more like putting your lips onto the spout of a fountain-soda syrup bladder that has yet to be mixed with carbonated water. That's bad. It LOOKS like I found it buried in Old Man McGillicuddy's medicine cabinet. The absolute BEST feature of this drink though is found on the front label:
Apparently this drink has qualities of Heroism and Leadership - it says so on the badge! It's as if M150 is the Sheriff of Energy Drink Town, and it won't allow any drinks that are followers, or are un-heroic to pass through. Classic.
The other two drinks, "Carabao" and what is apparently the original Red Bull.
Turns out, they both taste EXACTLY the same, and that taste is surprisingly similar to Red Bull - from Holland. The mini Red Bull can has a pull-tab, reminiscent of the beer cans that your dad would drink back in the day when he'd come home from work and beat you. ("Dammit Bobby!") The nice thing about Holland Red Bull though? It has CARBONATION! and NOT AS MUCH SUGAR!
Unlike the notorious Fixx drink, I WAS able to finish all three of these... things. (Though they are only like 5 fl. oz., so that isn't saying much.)
One more thing to note about Asian Red Bull - you can win a crazy Asian mountain bike! Do those fenders come standard?
Lesson Learned: When a teammate of yours comes up to you and hands over a "bag 'o energy drinks," do not hesitate by questioning the outcome of this endeavor - simply grab and run! Quickly! The outcome can ONLY lead to a more Superior Attitude, and a Superior State of Mind!
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