DEATH BY HILLS IS CANCELLED DUE TO WEATHER.
Hear ye, Hear ye - Due to Team Seagal's vast network of connections and high level business contacts, we have managed to secure another Aidstation. So that means, in addition to the two gas stations you'll pass by (at miles 29 and 75) there will also be a stop at approximated mile 43.
Generously offered up by yo' boy Jay S., you can expect to find coolers of water, delicious beers, some places to sit, and even some bike tools and a workstand, in case you feel as though your headset cups may not be pressed in all the way, or if your bottom bracket needs to be faced a little better.
For those of you familiar with the route and the roads out there, this will be at the top of the big Melrose climb. Once descending Glencoe Road through Rockwoods Reservation, you'll swing around and start the big 2-part ascent of Melrose towards Allenton Road. At the top of that climb, on the right you'll find your Jays Aids Station.
And for those of you having done this ride long enough, this will be maybe 1/2 mile past the spot where Thrash0r had the big spread of cake leftovers for a couple years. Oooooweeee. Just thinking of Thrash0r's cake in my mouth makes my saddle region feel all tingly.
So to recap, you can get water at miles 29, 43 and 75. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go drop some serious heat in Coach Ryback's stink lodge.
-C.F.R.
20180211
10th Annual Death By Hills! CANCELLED
****CANCELLED CANCELLED CANCELLED*****
Greetings, Team Seagal Tifosi! It's that time of year again, where we resurrect the corpse of this once-heralded bl0rg as if it were the star of Weekend at Bernies 2. I can't believe there's *anything* I've done for 10 years aside from wiping properly and drinking too heavily. And here we are, about to set out for another jaunt around the hills of west county.
When: RESCHEDULED - NEW DATE: March 11th, Sunday - 9AM - that's CLIP-IN AT 9AM
Where: starts at Kehrs Mill and Clayton Road in Ballwin, across the street from The Wolf Public House in the big parking lot for the "Claymont Shopping Center"
What: Riding this route:
More details: This is a long ride - you will go up a 20% percent grade numerous times - like 3 times, just in the first 10 miles. Also, there will only be 2 places to refill water or snacks - once at the Allenton Road gas station in front of Six Flags, (mile 28 or 29) and then not again until the other gas station at mile 80 or so - at the corner of Eatherton and Wild Horse Creek Road. So that is nearly a 5 mile stretch - PLAN YOUR WATER AND FOOD ACCORDINGLY. Additionally, there is NO support on this ride beyond what you arrange. This is all pavement, and with a few exceptions, very good pavement - skinny tires (23c) are good to go. There are plenty of bailouts, and you are never more than 30-45 minutes from the start point.
No routes markers are provided, but you can print off a cue sheet or download the GPS file as seen above! Otherwise, get on the buddy system!
Pace: Anything you want. Not a hammerfest unless you make it one. I'll be riding 90+ miles as fast as a 215lb sack of turds can reasonable do, which isn't very fast.
Cost for Entry: $0
What about the weather: You can do whatever you want, but I am out if it is below freezing, or raining, or snow. Probably do it the following Sunday - the 11th maybe?
So get your rear derailleur's low limit screw properly adjusted, because you finna be in that big cassette cog all gatdamn day!
-Casey Ryback
20171224
CXMAS GIFT FOR XMAS
CXMAS 2018
Oh you say "lazy" isn't in that? Huh? Read between the lines then I guess.
*We finally found something we can beat you at DRJ!
WHEN
January 1, 2018 11:00am
WHERE
Howell Island Parking Lot MAP
-This is a small lot. Some of you probably will need to park at St. Louis Premium Outlets Mall and ride about a mile along the levee path
HOW MUCH?
Free, but we will have a donation box with the money going to the charity of a CXMASer's choice (see below).
WHAT
Another 2 events this year.
Event 1
The first event is a traditional CXMAS course, if there is such a thing. To try and get everyone to finish closer to the same time we will finish on Howell Island with extra laps of the main loop there for the fastest riders. We will announce the time cut off for starting the last lap at the event but we will be hoping most people average a ride of about 1.5 hours or less.
Event 2
A mini team relay race: There will be 5 teams of four riders. You are responsible for having your group of four decided. We're not doing it for you. The 5 teams will race on a very short course completing at least 10 laps, alternating riders on each lap. Those of us not in the relay will get to watch, cheer, heckle, jeer, and otherwise mess with those in the relay. Think hand-ups. Making them ride your bike. Add an extra obstacle for them to ride over. Make it what you want. Or just stand by the fire and drink. We don't care.
Getting into the relay race: Throughout the first ride there will be 5 envelopes in the possession of certain Seagal jerks. These jerks will hand them out as they see fit to those that show the most "merry" spirit during the ride. One envelope will be held for the rider that finishes first during that nonrace. Open your envelope before we tell you to and you'll be out like coach after he finishes his second case of Hamm's.
The Rides of the relay: Each envelope will contain a picture of one of the five bikes (or BLOs) that teams will get to ride during the relay. Each bike is guaranteed to be basically functional. Probably. Maybe.
Before the start of the relay teams will be able to steal or exchange these envelopes with another team in the hopes of getting a better bike.
Prizes: There will be some very CXMAS style prizes that each of the 4 on the winning team of the relay will win. Plus the winning team will get to decide where this years donation goes to. (Subject to Team Seagal approval. Sorry Fuhrmann, it just can't go to bringing back that sweet perm you had going this summer).
WEATHER
So weather looks cold as fuck this year. This could change everything. If it's like this again we'll probably just ride our bikes around the Missouri River Floodplain, and when we run out of beer or it all freezes we will just pedal our frozen selves to iTap or something.
MERRY CXMAS!!!!!*
*almost
20170219
Death By Hills Update
Here ye, here ye - attention to anyone who is planning on showing up for this year's ride - there is a fairly major route change afoot. It's looking more and more like we are the equivalent to the boy in Criss Angel's closet - fucked more each day.
There is a bridge inside Rockwoods Reservation, that is, along Glencoe Road, that is going to begin demolition and rebuild this week:
https://mdc.mo.gov/newsroom/bridge-replacement-mdc%E2%80%99s-rockwoods-reservation-will-temporarily-impact-area-access?page=5
I have looked, and there is no reasonable re-route. As it pertains to us, (a group of 50-100 cyclists) it will be closed to traffic. This eliminates the long Melrose Road climb back up to the stop sign at Allenton Road. This unfortunately translates into an elimination of a roughly 8 mile loop, that offered a ton of scenery, and a long, gradual descent to rest your legs.
So please note the difference for this year, and rest assured that next year it will once again be part of the ride. This is the new map going forward, so pass it along and tell your friends:
Just remember what Arnold sez:
Ya'll a buncha bitchez - particularly C-Dubs.
-Casey F. Ryback
There is a bridge inside Rockwoods Reservation, that is, along Glencoe Road, that is going to begin demolition and rebuild this week:
https://mdc.mo.gov/newsroom/bridge-replacement-mdc%E2%80%99s-rockwoods-reservation-will-temporarily-impact-area-access?page=5
I have looked, and there is no reasonable re-route. As it pertains to us, (a group of 50-100 cyclists) it will be closed to traffic. This eliminates the long Melrose Road climb back up to the stop sign at Allenton Road. This unfortunately translates into an elimination of a roughly 8 mile loop, that offered a ton of scenery, and a long, gradual descent to rest your legs.
So please note the difference for this year, and rest assured that next year it will once again be part of the ride. This is the new map going forward, so pass it along and tell your friends:
Just remember what Arnold sez:
Ya'll a buncha bitchez - particularly C-Dubs.
-Casey F. Ryback
20170114
2017 Death By Hills
Mark your calendars.You're probably using a blackberry - what are you, some important business guy?
WHEN: Sunday, February 26th. If the weather sucks shit, we'll postpone it a week, but probably not. Word is that your boy Mason Storm is going to be in town!
9AM - Clicking in at 9AM. So get there by 8:45. I'm talking to you, Pizza Time, Nico, Titty....
Where is the start: Clayton and Kehrs Mill Road, In front of the Fortels Pizza Den, Across from The Wolf Public House
https://www.google.com/maps/@38.6081728,-90.5673499,18z
What's the fucking route, Lebowski:
CHANGES FROM PREVIOUS YEARS:
-We can not ride down (and up) Woodlawn Meadows, so the route has been slightly altered, but should not change the mileage in a meaningful way.
-So we have to make up this hill by turning left up Rocky Ridge off of the bike path alongside Hwy 109. This is an out-and-back, and not long after Bartizan, so prepare yer nutsack.
NO ONE IS "IN CHARGE" OF THIS RIDE. THIS IS AN UN-MARKED, UNSUPPORTED RIDE - YOU ARE 100% ON YOUR OWN, unless your riding buddies are along side you. Know the route, have the Garmin route uploaded, or stick with someone who DOES know the route. Bring water and food, as there are only two gas stations - one at mile ~29, the next at mile ~75. That's it.
My dumbass can make it up all these hills, and I drink like a 6 pack a day. So you should attempt it as well. See ya there.
-Casey F. Ryback
The "F" stands for "get totally minivanned"
WHEN: Sunday, February 26th. If the weather sucks shit, we'll postpone it a week, but probably not. Word is that your boy Mason Storm is going to be in town!
9AM - Clicking in at 9AM. So get there by 8:45. I'm talking to you, Pizza Time, Nico, Titty....
Where is the start: Clayton and Kehrs Mill Road, In front of the Fortels Pizza Den, Across from The Wolf Public House
https://www.google.com/maps/@38.6081728,-90.5673499,18z
What's the fucking route, Lebowski:
CHANGES FROM PREVIOUS YEARS:
-We can not ride down (and up) Woodlawn Meadows, so the route has been slightly altered, but should not change the mileage in a meaningful way.
-So we have to make up this hill by turning left up Rocky Ridge off of the bike path alongside Hwy 109. This is an out-and-back, and not long after Bartizan, so prepare yer nutsack.
NO ONE IS "IN CHARGE" OF THIS RIDE. THIS IS AN UN-MARKED, UNSUPPORTED RIDE - YOU ARE 100% ON YOUR OWN, unless your riding buddies are along side you. Know the route, have the Garmin route uploaded, or stick with someone who DOES know the route. Bring water and food, as there are only two gas stations - one at mile ~29, the next at mile ~75. That's it.
My dumbass can make it up all these hills, and I drink like a 6 pack a day. So you should attempt it as well. See ya there.
-Casey F. Ryback
The "F" stands for "get totally minivanned"
20161229
CXMAS Details aka The Jenk Cloud Has Lifted
After reconstructing Team Seagal HQ (fyi be very leary if Coach says he just wants to store a few jars at your place), the team was able to meet and we finally have ready the final details on CXMAS 2016 2017. Or at least the details we will tell you about here.
LOCATION:
Start/Finish is in Glencoe, MO near the Wabash Mini Railroad
-Park in any of the lots down there. If things get full we'd recommend following the bike path up 109 to LaSalle Springs Middle School and parking there
-We'll be checking people in (ie taking money for raffle tickets) at the last lot on the left. Hopefully at one of the picnic tables
DATE/TIME:
Sunday 1/1/17
-CXMAS rolls out around Noon
-We'll be set up ready to check people in around 11am
-We plan to stop checking people in at 11:45am, but we'll keep taking your money all day
-Mashor's Mile Crit starts about 2pm
-Plan to have drawing for prizes at 3:30 or so
EVENTS:
-yep that says eventS. plural
Traditional CXMAS Nonrace
-We will have a special start to this years CXMAS. We ask that all previous podium finishers (those with CXMAS hats or mugs) make themselves known for this one. No, we won't be making Devin or anyone else ride a Huffy this year, but we do have a special event for the start I think everyone will enjoy.
-The course will be about 20 miles, and will include gravel, dirt tracks, pavement, some sand, some fresh barely ridden "trail" and maybe some proper singletrack. We're still waiting on the weather forecast to decide exactly where we will go.
Mile of Pain jungle CX/Crit Nonrace (aka Mashor's Mile)
-Everyone will get to ride this CXMAS special course for 1 lap during the main ride, but only the best will enter this nonrace. The top 10% of men and women (max 8 per gender) will square off in this elimination event. The rest of us will get to watch, heckle, drink and otherwise be a real bunch of jerks while they compete in 4 or 5 laps of this course. It seems a fair punishment for taking the first nonrace so seriously.
-We will even have a feed zone. But in this zone competitors are required to "feed" or risk elimination. A great spot to be a spectator. Feel free to bring feed items for the competitors.
-Male and female winners of this nonrace will be king and queen of CXMAS. Everyone else... well you just suck, but we'll have beer for you. Probably.
BIKE CHOICE:
So this year might be the year that we could almost call it XCMAS instead of CXMAS.
On the main ride I really don't know which bike would be faster, Cyclocross or Mountain bike, but probably cx bike.
The crit nonrace could be different. A mountain bike will definitely have an edge in traction, stability, and control on the undulating and primitive course. A cyclocross bike will fit through the narrows and twisty turns better. It would also be easier to run with on some of the steep ups and when the person in front of you hops off. But the cross bike might be undertired in some of the bumpier sections and might fight for traction on the steeps. Sad to say, but if you singlespeed you will be running. A lot.
GIVE US MONEY!!!!
We'll give you cool shit (at least some of you):
First a reminder of who we're raising money for:
The Great Jerk, Dr Wesley McClaren
The suggested donation is $5 which will get you one entry in the raffle. For every $5 you give we'll give you another entry.
You can also win an extra entry. For the Mashor's Mile crit we will accept $5 donations with your guess as to who (man or woman) will win. Everyone that guesses correctly will get 2 raffle entries for that $5. The rest of you who guess wrong... well, thanks for donating. There is no limit on the number of guesses or riders you choose to back.
The Cool Shit:
-in case you missed it here are the things you could win (not counting a possibly hazy memory of riding around the Meramec floodplain with a bunch of other crazy jerks):
Kona Private Jake Frameset in your choice of size
1 of 3 $100 Gift Certificates to the Hub Bicycle Company
ENO Hammock kit, including 1 Double Nest Hammock, 1 Set of Atlas Straps, & 1 Set of Twilights
Limited Edition Made in the USA Woolrich/Dogfishhead Wool Blanket
1 of 2 Sets of 4 Woolrich/Dogfishhead Pint Glasses
1 of 2 Qikcovers
1 of 3 Entries to 2TG's Festivus CX Race
1 of 2 Entries to 2TG's Squealer or Pork Chop MTB race
Oskar Blues Prize Pack
THAT'S $1700 WORTH OF PRIZES!
SEE YOU SUNDAY!
Bonus points if you can find a blog from the links on the right updated in the last year. Or even 2 years.
LOCATION:
Start/Finish is in Glencoe, MO near the Wabash Mini Railroad
-Park in any of the lots down there. If things get full we'd recommend following the bike path up 109 to LaSalle Springs Middle School and parking there
-We'll be checking people in (ie taking money for raffle tickets) at the last lot on the left. Hopefully at one of the picnic tables
DATE/TIME:
Sunday 1/1/17
-CXMAS rolls out around Noon
-We'll be set up ready to check people in around 11am
-We plan to stop checking people in at 11:45am, but we'll keep taking your money all day
-Mashor's Mile Crit starts about 2pm
-Plan to have drawing for prizes at 3:30 or so
EVENTS:
-yep that says eventS. plural
Traditional CXMAS Nonrace
-We will have a special start to this years CXMAS. We ask that all previous podium finishers (those with CXMAS hats or mugs) make themselves known for this one. No, we won't be making Devin or anyone else ride a Huffy this year, but we do have a special event for the start I think everyone will enjoy.
-The course will be about 20 miles, and will include gravel, dirt tracks, pavement, some sand, some fresh barely ridden "trail" and maybe some proper singletrack. We're still waiting on the weather forecast to decide exactly where we will go.
Mile of Pain jungle CX/Crit Nonrace (aka Mashor's Mile)
-Everyone will get to ride this CXMAS special course for 1 lap during the main ride, but only the best will enter this nonrace. The top 10% of men and women (max 8 per gender) will square off in this elimination event. The rest of us will get to watch, heckle, drink and otherwise be a real bunch of jerks while they compete in 4 or 5 laps of this course. It seems a fair punishment for taking the first nonrace so seriously.
-We will even have a feed zone. But in this zone competitors are required to "feed" or risk elimination. A great spot to be a spectator. Feel free to bring feed items for the competitors.
-Male and female winners of this nonrace will be king and queen of CXMAS. Everyone else... well you just suck, but we'll have beer for you. Probably.
BIKE CHOICE:
So this year might be the year that we could almost call it XCMAS instead of CXMAS.
On the main ride I really don't know which bike would be faster, Cyclocross or Mountain bike, but probably cx bike.
The crit nonrace could be different. A mountain bike will definitely have an edge in traction, stability, and control on the undulating and primitive course. A cyclocross bike will fit through the narrows and twisty turns better. It would also be easier to run with on some of the steep ups and when the person in front of you hops off. But the cross bike might be undertired in some of the bumpier sections and might fight for traction on the steeps. Sad to say, but if you singlespeed you will be running. A lot.
GIVE US MONEY!!!!
We'll give you cool shit (at least some of you):
First a reminder of who we're raising money for:
The Great Jerk, Dr Wesley McClaren
The suggested donation is $5 which will get you one entry in the raffle. For every $5 you give we'll give you another entry.
You can also win an extra entry. For the Mashor's Mile crit we will accept $5 donations with your guess as to who (man or woman) will win. Everyone that guesses correctly will get 2 raffle entries for that $5. The rest of you who guess wrong... well, thanks for donating. There is no limit on the number of guesses or riders you choose to back.
The Cool Shit:
-in case you missed it here are the things you could win (not counting a possibly hazy memory of riding around the Meramec floodplain with a bunch of other crazy jerks):
Kona Private Jake Frameset in your choice of size
1 of 3 $100 Gift Certificates to the Hub Bicycle Company
ENO Hammock kit, including 1 Double Nest Hammock, 1 Set of Atlas Straps, & 1 Set of Twilights
Limited Edition Made in the USA Woolrich/Dogfishhead Wool Blanket
1 of 2 Sets of 4 Woolrich/Dogfishhead Pint Glasses
1 of 2 Qikcovers
1 of 3 Entries to 2TG's Festivus CX Race
1 of 2 Entries to 2TG's Squealer or Pork Chop MTB race
Oskar Blues Prize Pack
THAT'S $1700 WORTH OF PRIZES!
SEE YOU SUNDAY!
Bonus points if you can find a blog from the links on the right updated in the last year. Or even 2 years.
20161211
CXMAS 2016... Make that '17
Yeah it really is happening! Or at least we've been going around digging up the bloated carcasses of Team Seagal trying to get this CXMAS thing rolling. Turns out when you maintain a high level of drinking but stop riding bikes things go down hill pretty fast. Especially when you stop putting on Non-races and fill that time with art installations of empty beer cans and bottles. Those bottles and cans just don't empty themselves.
So if you want to see what jerks we've raised from the dead* or maybe ride some bikes with a bunch of other people you actually like, here's what you need to know:
LOCATION
We're moving from one scenic river valley to another.
Hello Meramec River!
As of right now we plan to start at or near Sherman Beach. Start location may change to somewhere else in the general area so check back on our facebook page or this highly esteemed blog.
The route will travel up and down the river valley. We will decide the final route based on weather and trail conditions leading up to CXMAS. We will likely visit Castlewood, the Al Foster, some roads like St Paul and Ridge, and maybe Bluff View. Weather permitting there will be sections of smoothish singletrack and definitely dirt river flats. I've ridden everything on 28mm road tires, but like the guy reclining on the raft in the picture above, we can't all be that cool and you will likely want some sort of tire with minimal knobs and a little more volume.
WHERE: Sherman Beach Parking Lot (probably)
WHEN: Sunday January 1, 2017, NOON start
WHAT
We will have the usual CXMAS things: eggnog, places to ride your bicycle, alcohol, and special prizes. But this year will be different in a couple of ways. We've raised money in the past for some great causes, but this year one of our own, a truly great jerk, needs our help.
The Doctor has a likely life long battle with seizures and the medical bills to prove it. Read the Doctors story here. Feel free to contribute right there if you'd like, but make sure to bring cash to CXMAS this year. For CXMAS 20167 CASH IS KING!
There will be a $5required recommended donation. That donation will get you an entry in one of the prize drawings we will have. Bring more money though. We will have lots of other chances for you enter to win more chances and more drawings. Some prizes will be tied into other mini events within the larger CXMAS non race. BRING MORE MONEY! And don't expect us to have change. I recommend $5 bills, but if you're feeling baller we'll accept $20 bills. And if you just came back from an IL-side New Years, dollar bills will work. There is no way to win a prize without donating to a raffle.
So on 1/1/17, take some advil and come on out to Sherman Beach. We'll have the hair of the dog. And don't forgot to bring money. No matter what you donate it will still be the cheapest Doctor visit you've ever had.
Did I mention cash?
*And I'm sure you're excited to see your favorite jerks that you haven't seen in a long time, but these last few years haven't been kind to all of us...
 |
| As with all art, sometimes the artistic merit is up for debate... |
So if you want to see what jerks we've raised from the dead* or maybe ride some bikes with a bunch of other people you actually like, here's what you need to know:
LOCATION
We're moving from one scenic river valley to another.
Hello Meramec River!
 |
| OK. Probably not that brotastic and definitely not that part of the Meramec. |
As of right now we plan to start at or near Sherman Beach. Start location may change to somewhere else in the general area so check back on our facebook page or this highly esteemed blog.
The route will travel up and down the river valley. We will decide the final route based on weather and trail conditions leading up to CXMAS. We will likely visit Castlewood, the Al Foster, some roads like St Paul and Ridge, and maybe Bluff View. Weather permitting there will be sections of smoothish singletrack and definitely dirt river flats. I've ridden everything on 28mm road tires, but like the guy reclining on the raft in the picture above, we can't all be that cool and you will likely want some sort of tire with minimal knobs and a little more volume.
WHERE: Sherman Beach Parking Lot (probably)
WHEN: Sunday January 1, 2017, NOON start
WHAT
We will have the usual CXMAS things: eggnog, places to ride your bicycle, alcohol, and special prizes. But this year will be different in a couple of ways. We've raised money in the past for some great causes, but this year one of our own, a truly great jerk, needs our help.
The Doctor has a likely life long battle with seizures and the medical bills to prove it. Read the Doctors story here. Feel free to contribute right there if you'd like, but make sure to bring cash to CXMAS this year. For CXMAS 201
There will be a $5
So on 1/1/17, take some advil and come on out to Sherman Beach. We'll have the hair of the dog. And don't forgot to bring money. No matter what you donate it will still be the cheapest Doctor visit you've ever had.
Did I mention cash?
*And I'm sure you're excited to see your favorite jerks that you haven't seen in a long time, but these last few years haven't been kind to all of us...
 | |
| Don't worry we actually all still look more or less lifelike with normal sized appendages. |
20161204
Tap. Tap. This thing on??!?!?
Say what now???!!!!
1/1/17 NOON
CXMAS - The Hangover Edition
Stay tuned for more info on here or your favorite multi-hundred billion dollar social media platform*.
In the meantime start huffin and reminisce a little...
CXMAS 2013
CXMAS 2012
CXMAS 2011
CXMAS 2010
CXMAS 2009
CXMAS 2008
*that means you won't see a single tweet about this shit
20160524
Team Seagal Presents: The Pinner Classic Non-Race #1
A few months ago, a few Team Seagal riders and friends made a 3.5 mile loop over at the Stottlemeyer Trail system. This course was to be the route for The Pinner Classic. We decided that the 3.5 mile loop was to be ridden 3 times with 80% of that route being single track and only 20% of that course ridden on fire roads. We showed only the highest levels of Superior Attitude on that February day. As you can see in the photo below, February in Washington isn't so bad for riding...
After creating the course, and working with our local sponsors for help, we set the date for The Pinner Classic.
Friday before the non-race, myself and our fire fighting Mr. Badass, Geoff (still waiting on a proper Seagal name) took the 9am ferry from Edmonds to Kingston for a day of hiking and clearing the course. We received only the best treatment of sunny weather, a six pack of NW tasty beer, and the best BLTs you can get from a gas station in WA.
To our delight, the course needed zero clearing and was ready to snap wrists for race day!
Now onto the non-race. We woke at 5am in preparations on making the 7:10 ferry. Instagram Zack, our Oskar Blues rep Erik, and myself got to the ferry in time and enjoyed baby sized Chorizo Egg burritos from our favorite 24hr Mexican spot, Memos! The skies showed an overcast day with little chances of rain. We had everything we needed on transporting the beer to the start location of the ride.
Imagine hauling 50lbs of beer and ice 1.5 miles on fire roads with one "barely" equipped BOB trailer. (Ask Instagram Zack about using a BOB trailer, he may forget to tell you about the locking pins on the bottom of the bolt on mounts.) That was fun having the trailer pop off twice on the ride up to the start location...
Thanks to Jason at Swift Industries for teaching us the ways of proper BOB trailer usage. Don't forget the locking pins...
Once the group of riders made their way to the start, we did exactly what jerks would do: prolong the race because we were busy drinking beers and enjoying the finest legal chinese herbs in the land.
Non Race begins. 12 riders set out for the title of The Pinner Classic Champion!
Lap one showed Andrew "Powerman 5000" in the lead, straight crushing souls and snapping wrists. Powerman would have the lead for the remainder of the race!
In 2nd place, fast on Powerman's tail was Mr. Swift Industries, Jason. Without knowing until the after party, Jason was our only single speed participant, and for that, he received the award for being Mr. Single Speed! And maybe the award for best way to eat a pickle then chug an Oskar Blues Pinner IPA! Strong work.
3rd and 4th place gave us Matt Servia and Fancy Fred fighting for podium placement. Servia would lead 3rd place for all 3 laps. Fancy was hot on his wheels though. Final lap gave us some exciting finishes. Servia comes sprinting to the finish line with Fancy right behind him! I never would have thought we would see a sprint finish in our first Northwest Non-Race...
The Pinner Classic Top 4:
Andrew "Powerman 5000" (1 hour 3 minutes)
Mr. Swift Industries (1 hour 11 minutes)
Matt "I don't do social media" Servia (1 hour 24 minutes)
Fancy Fred (1 hour 24ish minutes)
If you're wondering what happened to our other 8 racers, well, the night before the Non-Race, at the nearby campground, we found that a young man was having his bachelor party. Alex Royale and his buddies had all the whiskey their weak stomachs could take, and experienced a very challenging morning of bike riding. They did not complete the 3 laps.
Now, something to mention. Matt Servia was present for this bachelor party, and did he complain? No. He sucked it up, drank an Oskar Blues Pinner IPA, and read to the chinese gods for power and stability during his first Non-Race. He came out with true Seagal superior attitude and superior state of mind. Way to go, Jerk!
After the ride we did exactly what all Jerks do: drank all the beers, enjoyed fantastic sandwiches and pickles from our sponsor Kiss Cafe, and reminisced about the days festivities!
Zack showing us how to chase fireball with a little drop of pickle.
I have to mention somethings before I unload some photos.
Erik at Oskar Blues,
You went above and beyond for your efforts in making this race a reality. You brought 8 cases of beer, all the ice, hats, t-shirts, and pinners. And not to mention, you hiked the 1.5 miles to the start with your heavy backpack full of more beer and the OB signature flag! Thank you.
Brenda at Kiss Cafe,
You showed your support in more ways than just gorilla sized fresh sandwiches. You came out and surprised us on your bike and did a hot lap just to get some riding in. You fucking rock and your cafe's pickles did not disappoint! Thank you.
J at Project 529,
Your busy schedule shows you really care about the community of Mountain Biking and the risk of bike theft. Your support goes a long way. Project 529 is a digital registration and recovery service for stolen bikes in your area. Thanks for the prizes and the appearance you made at the race! BIKE THIEVES SUCK.
Karin at Hunni Co.,
The case of locally made electrolyte water went to good hands. After a "few" beers and a big day of riding, your support kept us hydrated and our bodies happy. Thank you.
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| Brenda of Kiss Cafe and J with Project 529 |
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| 2 gallons of sliced pickles! #allthepickles |
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| Fred, the fanciest of non-racers |
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| Picker A.K.A. Samuel Axel, dressed as an Oskar Blues male model. Rarely seen drinking a beer or wearing beer gear. |
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| Powerman 5000 just snapped every wrist that entered The Pinner Classic. He holds the title going into 2017. |
GTF'd!!!!!!!!!!!
T Tox, over and out!
20160220
New and Improved Death By Hills Garmin Link
After doing some Double Secret Recon this past weekend, I thought it best to post up a Garmin Link that was updated by someone with superior attitude.
https://ridewithgps.com/routes/12047913
Your boi Peat and I may have achieved centuriousity, fueled in part by a proper send-off:
On the way to visiting the STLCC Monument on Old Manchester, we successfully summitted the slopes of Melrose Road, in hopes of scoping out the condition of the sinkhole. I'm happy to report that it looks to be almost completely repaired. There were still dudes working on it, but in two weeks, I'd be surprised if it is still closed. SHIIIID.
Balls,
CFR
https://ridewithgps.com/routes/12047913
Your boi Peat and I may have achieved centuriousity, fueled in part by a proper send-off:
On the way to visiting the STLCC Monument on Old Manchester, we successfully summitted the slopes of Melrose Road, in hopes of scoping out the condition of the sinkhole. I'm happy to report that it looks to be almost completely repaired. There were still dudes working on it, but in two weeks, I'd be surprised if it is still closed. SHIIIID.
Balls,
CFR
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