Tour of West County, now with 30% more flooding

Greetings to you, the rabidly loyal Team Seagal Fan. Casey Ryback here. Today, Thursday, was unlike any other day. It was chock full of glorious weather, and completely lacking my need to be at work. So with the day off, I found myself needing a lengthy ride under the belt. The trails were muddy if not completely submerged thanks to several inches of rain, so the road bike was calling my name - it said, "Casey - come straddle me!" And who am I to resist that siren song? So I embarked from my apartment on what would prove to be a great ride full of strange sights.

The Spoede overpass of Hwy 40 allows for a view of the progress:


I wound my through towards Kirkwood, with a brief jog down into Sugar Creek Valley, and then a short but steep climb out via Couch:


The plan was to cut over to Marshall Road, bomb down that Euro-tuck style, and then continue through Valley Park, and cross over 141 onto Vance. No dice:


So instead, I turned right onto Marshall (something I've never done) and that afforded me a sweet view of Fenton, and the Chrysler plant:


I made my way down Big Bend, turned onto Forest, cut underneath the RR tracks, and then went ALL the way down St. Louis Avenue to see if the flood wall was closed. It was, and there were Police on top, telling people with a bullhorn not to go on top of the levee (even though there is a pedestrian path up there.):


So I turned around, course set for Castlewood. I wanted to see how flooded it is. Coming down Ries is a great place to go fast, and this time I hit over 45mph. I can normally hit 49 no problem, but my early-season confidence being what it is, the last left-hand turn had me a little skittish. They closed the whole damn park down! So again, no dice:


Can you tell me from where this view of downtown is possible? I'll give you a hint, it isn't anywhere near downtown. You can see the Arch, directly to the right of the chimney:


I continued my path of destruction down Old Manchester, all the way across 109, and turned left into the top of Rockwoods Reservation. That place is amazing, and has some great memories attached to it. I love stopping by Smokey the Bear for water, but he's not able to speak right now...


There is a very picturesque spring (first picture) right on the side of the road inside Rockwoods, it makes me want to drink from it each time. I figure I'm probably better off with municipal water. Looks inviting though! The second picture is of a spring is on the side of 109, visible from the paved extension of the Al Foster trail that runs up to Woods Road:




Speaking of the Al Foster Trail (you can just imagine how Castlewood will be, and how much farther the trail will erode on the River Scene):


I hopped back onto 109 and turned onto painfest known as Alt Road, which takes me past Hidden Valley and into downtown Eureka, and past a TON of new housing developments. I was both dreading and looking forward to doing the Allenton Loop across the highway from Six Flags. That would mean two more notoriously painful hills that would have me seeing spots, especially being at mile 60. Once again, no dice:



So I removed the arm warmers, and turned around to climb slowly back out of that valley. I was really starting to get hungry, despite having eaten fairly consistently up to this point. The gas station next to Six Flags made short work of that! I love refilling my water bottles there, because the water comes out of the tea nozzle, and even if you only dispense water, there is ALWAYS a slight hint of tea mixed in. Every time. Some Nabisco crackers and a can of Mountain Dew later, I was feeling pretty f***ing extreme. There was a lady getting into her car who paused to make small talk, saying it was a great day for a ride, and asked where I was headed. "Creve Coeur..." It must have not have dawned on her how far away I was from that area. The funny part was when she cautioned me about a big wreck on 270 that had traffic backed up pretty badly, and that I might want to try and avoid that highway. That's right, avoid riding your bike on 270 because of the traffic. Being as EXTREME as I am, I could totally do that, but I wasn't headed for 270 until later when I had to cross it via Conway. Onward!

I Continued out on one of my favorite stretches of road to ride - Fox Creek. Very smooth, rolling, and promises some big hills once it crosses Hwy 100 and actually turns into Manchester. Even though the Allenton Loop was busy getting its wrist snapped by a bunch of water, forcing me to skip those hills, I still had to deal with Bouquet - what cyclist doesn't know this hill? This turn-off has struck fear into the hearts of many, and I was about to kick its ass - slowly:


This hill is a multi-stage hill. Within the first 100 yards it throws you directly into the fire by exposing you to its steepest grade which mellows out slightly, and climbs around a couple of corners. I was seeing lots of single digits on the Cateye. It then tricks you by turning downhill for a while, all over very nice surfaces. It has a couple of decent rollers, before bottoming out into a narrow valley. Then it lands its finals blows right to your face. This climb turns so many times, that unless you've done it before, you have absolutely no idea when the top will come into view. You really won't see the crest until you are basically on it. Picture staring at this for like 10 minutes:

Of course, I had a superior attitude and a superior state of mind going into this hill, so no problemo. What a great climb.

That was just about the last notable hill on my Tour of West County. I crossed T and bombed down Ossenfort (passed one of the Mesa guys who we always see at the endurance races on a singlespeed - Jim? Steve? He was suffering his way up to victory at the top of the hill.) I cruised through Wild Horse Creek Road, passing many a cyclist, including one group of like 7 or 8 dudes, who were being lead down the road by a bald guy with no f***ing helmet on. They looked like serious business. I passed by this house that was being renovated, and wondered how many corpses are decomposing in that tomb of a cellar:


I didn't take any pictures after that, even though I had 15-20 miles left to go. Once I turned off of Wild Horse Creek onto Centaur, away from the hillside, the wind hit me right in the face, and continued hitting me in the face and snapping my wrist the rest of the way home. The worst, most consistent headwind I've had yet this year kept me struggling to hold 2-3 mph below my overall average speed - and this is all in the Chesterfield flats! Olive Street, Airport Road, and Edison were just an exercise in pure futility. Now I know what it's like to live and ride in Kansas. The climb up Old Chesterfield Airport Road was quite a grinder... come to think of it, every incline until I got home, no matter how bad, turned into a long, punishing grinder.

It is always a good ride when you ride until you bonk. 5.5 hours of ride time, 6.25 hours from start to finish, and a very hilly 88.5 miles. Had I left at noon instead of 1, I'm sure I could have made the full 100! And I probably would have done it anyway in spite of the setting sun, had I not had plans that evening.

Something Ouachita This Way Comes...

-C. Ryback

P.S. Who's up for a road(?) ride Easter morning? Is that blasphemous?

It's rad and it involves a ball

That's right I'm talking 'bout Radball. It's the two on two fixed gear soccer match that has taken the world by storm...or a least small parts of Germany. There are no words that describe Radball that give this art justice so check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qO8xBlkumYM

So STL clearly needs a Radball league. We'll call it "No Dice" (think Charles Bronson) because the only thing harder than acquiring the bike skills for Radball is single-handedly taking down a hardcore street gang dressed like extras from Mad Max. Thankfully these German kids made a video on how to train for Radball. Seriously, these kids are ridiculous!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQPGVroJbso

-Shop Minister

Fit-Kits are here from Mt. Borah!

Alright Regulators, time to Mount Up. Mount Borah, that is! Manchester TC has a full line of the jerseys and bib-shorts that will be produced. These isn't an early production run, just blanks so you can determine what size you'll need. Bib shorts range in size up to XXXXL. Come by and try 'em on, and see what fits you best. I'm not sending these anywhere, so you'll have to come here.

I'm so excited to get the finished products! We're going to look so much better than that fruitcake Bikerfox:


Geez, what a fruitcake.

Fellet Done it Right & Geared Road 100

Fellet Brazing's Chris Fellet (Shop Gnome) has developed a custom brew that is likely to become a new standard with the good folk of Team Seagal, and then the rest of the world. Crafted from double-butted Dedacciai chromoly, Fellet makes a wonderfully compliant steel frame, but with super efficient energy transmission when you want to hammer.

The newest Fellet Brazed production: Shop Minister's Royal Blue Road Deluxe:



Pros: Lightweight, Fast, Sturdy, Fast-Back Seat Stays
Best Uses: Serious Racing or Training, Sprinting, Climbing, Rain
Bottom Line: "Yes, I would recommend this to a friend. It is laterally stiff yet vertically compliant" - Shop Minister.


It was time to put the new frame through a real world test, Shop Gnome and Shop Minister picked me up at 10:45am- both on new frames from Fellet Brazing . Shop Gnome is a grinch and personally prefers lugged construction and classic Campy 8 speed drivetrain to all modern componetry.







We took off east through Forest Park, encountered a bit of the CWE, took a right on Compton then a left on Choteau and then north on the MRT. We rode to Alton and then turned around. On the way back, approx 4 miles south of the Chain of Rocks Bridge (safely within the Missouri Border) we ran into the only person we saw the whole time while on the MRT...



That's right, it was Wes McLaren, MD. He was standing off of the paved trail by about five feet in the grass with a funny look on his face, sporting the '07 team jersey and fingerless gloves. It was great to see the Dr., but why was he so under-dressed and waiting for us in that Field?



We continued on the course towards home, stopping only in Forest Park for urinary purposes. The odometer said 71 miles, I parted ways with Shop Gnome and Shop Minister and reunited with The Doctor. Wesley and I retreated to his office for Chinese Herbs and a beer (read: O'Fallon 5-Day IPA). I visited for close to an hour, but there was still a bit of work left to do. I pedaled off towards 100 without any set route at a very leisurely pace. I let my mind drift and went for a tour of downtown Clayton, Maplewood, University City, Olivette and more. It was relaxing and I achieved almost all of the the necessary mileage. The final push came complete with a special treat at the end - I wound up at the home of Mason Storm. I was fed Seafood Gumbo, rice, coffee stout, 24oz PBRs and an ice cream Drumstick for desert. After dinner we shot each other up pretty good playing 007 James Bond Goldeneye on Nintendo 64.

This last shot is from Forest Park looking down a major street during Tuesdays' occurrence of thunder-snow; it was like being in a totally different world!

I hope to see you all again real soon.

-Nico Toscani

2008 Team Kits

Well the kits have been ordered, and we should be rolling up to the starting line in these bad boys mid/late April. I would like to take this opportunity to thank our 2008 sponsors. Kona Bikes, Pabst Blue Ribbon, and The Hub Bicycle Co. without them this wouldn't have been possible. On another note stay tuned for NON-Race # 3. I have been tossing around a few ideas/dates, and it looks like we will be hosting our 3rd installment in the NON-Series sometime this month.
Late,
Hoffmeyer

St. Joe's NORBA #1

Whew.

It really says "determination" (or maybe "unhealthy obsession") when one's idea of a good time is to get up before dawn, drive an hour or two, and then ride their bike in tons of slop, especially when it is expected to find slop. But that is exactly what Casey Ryback, Shop Minister, Mason Storm, Nico Toscani, and Dr. Wesley McClaren found themselves doing on this fine day. The temperature was actually in the upper 70s! Our cars were hot from sitting in the sun! We didn't need leg warmers and shoe covers!

After much discussion and pondering over just how the trails would look, it was decided that the race would for sure be held. Everyone was a little skeptical, but in the end it was worth it. We fought valiantly; and despite endo's, flats, defective replacement tubes, barbed wire in the brake rotors, soul-crushingly soft ground, and hub-deep mud holes and creek crossings, we emerged stronger for having gone through the experience, and better prepared to face the next challenge.

Shop Minister, on the other hand, still has some small lessons to learn about accepted style when on the bike, the first of which is that white cotton socks are never proper attire:

Rest assured that they didn't stay white for long. And besides, they could have been worse - sandals maybe?

Here we have the only podium of the day, Nico Toscani taking 3rd place in the Singlespeed class:


And here's an example of what your bike would may have looked like had you participate in today's events:


Btw, Hey Furby, you were driving in the same direction as us (away from St. Joes) but you had no bike - what gives? Better be at the next race...

Big thanks needs to be extended to Mark Grumpke, Bill H. and Dave Ploch (and all those who sacrificed a day of racing in order to put this on for the rest of us! Thanks Guys!

Steven Seagal makes appearance in The Onion Movie

Watch this movie trailer from satire news organization, The Onion - it will blow your F***ing mind:

http://movies.nytimes.com/movie/305252/The-Onion-Movie/trailers

Big thanks to Chris Nitzsche (now known as "Cockpuncher") for exposing us to it!


In other news, it looks like there will be a small army of Seagal Soldiers venturing down to St. Joe's State Park near Farmington, since the first Heartland Race was cancelled. 5 d00dz - Shop Minister, Mason Storm, Dr. Wesley McLaren, Nico Toscani, and myself, Casey Ryback. The weird thing though, is that we've decided that we have a better chance of winning if we all ride the same bike:



Marshall Lawson will also be there, but under the guise of another, more well-funded organization. Results and photos will be soon to follow - don't touch that f***ing dial!


-C. Ryback

Update to keep you amused

Greetings. I'll keep this brief. You need to understand and be able to identify certain people in life. This website can help:

www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com

IN OTHER NEWS...

Looks like the weather is actually starting to break this week... This Sunday there are two XC races, a Heartland Race at Landahl, and a NORBA race at St. Joes. Many Seagal Soldiers are attending each. In the event they are cancelled, we will be taking aim squarely on Council Bluff - who's in?

Truly, A Managerie of Energy Drinks

Greetings, loyal Team Seagal fans. You are in for a treat today. Almost as much of a treat as my taste buds were just in!

Because on days when the ice/sleet in my parking lot is of the consistency of Cream of Wheat, there are few other things to do since I can't ride my bike to work in a steaming bowl of Cream of Wheat. (That would be amazing to be able to ride in Cream of Wheat though, because that stuff is delicious - I would literally lick my bike clean.) So here are my ramblings about these 3 new challengers.

The packaging made big promises, which inevitably got my hopes way up:


But would I get a "super power," let alone a "new super power?" Would I indeed be "stamin-ized?" Time would surely tell!

Let's look at the challengers:


These two of these cans were identical to a couple of challengers from our last energy drink exhibition.
Asian energy drink manufacturers, in addition to making their cans bite-size, seem to believe that animals give you supreme energy. These are all very powerful, verile animals - the panther, the "super" lion, the prancing horse; and if you remember last time, the bull! They also really rely on this 1980's-luxury-car-interior brown when coloring their cans.

"But Casey Ryback," you may ask, "What about the damn taste?!?!" Hold your prancing horses. I'm getting to that. But first I have to ask you a question - have you ever had canned fruit salad? You know, the rubbery chunks in the heavy syrup? Well, the Panther drink tastes and drinks like heavy fruit salad syrup. That's bad. And Super Lion, despite it's name, is no more "super" than the Carabao and Red Bull from last time. In fact, it tastes EXACTLY the same as those two. These Asian maketing execs better be careful, American consumers are very saavy and may catch onto this ploy to get at our propensity to submit to various types of packaging. Worst case scenario, they may lose valuable market share in this cut-throat energy drink market.

There was a trickle of hope in this trio of tumultuous tastes. The third drink, "Red Ice," was, I have to admit, quite tasty. Tasty enough that I would actually consider purchasing it for purposes other than practical jokes! Sort of a cherry taste, and with carbonation. In case you were wondering, the name "Red Ice" wasn't just a catch, peppy-sounding name. It is coincidentally an acronym!

Most energy drinks try to downplay the role that caffeine plays in their ingredients. (As if any of those Chinese herbs and Kung Pao BS actually will wake you up...)

All I have to say is, "Welcome to Flavor Country."

Moral of the story? Read this blog, and enter in some races this summer so we can snap your wrists shortly after consumer a random no-name energy drink. We have just over a week till the St. Joe NORBA Race AND the Truman's Big Love Heartland Race! What a great way to kick the season off. Be there or be a puh-ssay.

Planning a mid-week vacation? Why not beautiful Lake Chubb!

Greetings and a pleasant good day to fellow Team Seagalers and non-Seagalers alike. Look at the current state of the magnificent stretch of dirt designated to memorialize the great, late Robert Walston Chubb. The normally placid Meremac River has become rather angered by the recent snow and rain - it has been shown that when swelled the Meremac will go wherever the hell it wants. Lt. Col Austin Travis and I discovered these sights yesterday afternoon at the end of the first big rock garden parallel to the now mighty river.





Trail conditions encountered until this point were generally very good, only slightly sloppy and moderately manure-ly when descending from the Lone Elk trailhead. Although we were unable to continue on towards the rocky ascents of West Tyson Park via the normal channels, we did find our way around the newly formed Lake Chubb to complete our lap (we tried to hire the Destroyer's boat, but instead decided to think "tracks"). The Lt. and I are happy to report that the West Tyson portion is currently completely rideable, and as always very highly recommended.

The River bottoms portion of Chubb as Lone Elk park segues into West Tyson is under 5 feet of water, look at the sign pointing adventurers’ on towards West Tyson, it is almost completely submerged!



Let us all pray to the Lord of Chubb that the flood waters will soon recede, and that the trail is soon restored to its former glory. Until then, who's down to ride The Berryman? I haven’t been yet.
Thanks for stopping by,

-Nico Toscani